UnderTheWings posted May 19,2002 6:23:52 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alright, this thread, not unlike the Top Ten thread, was inspired by seeing how much fun it was on other shows' forums, namely, The West Wing. You write down a sentence, or in reality, whatever length you want as long as it's fairly short, then leave it open at the end for someone else to come along and write the next couple sentences. SO MUCH FUN! I'll start, Dusk was beginning to fall and the graveyard shift CSI's were straggling into the office after a long weekend. Sara looks over at Grissom and says, "... Mush posted May 19,2002 6:30:04 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Are you feeling okay?" "Yeah," Grissom said. "Why?" "I don't know," Sara said. "You look like you've lost weight." Grissom stared at her and blinked. "I, I mean, your pants, er, uh, clothes just seem to have gotten really baggy lately..." rain70 posted May 19,2002 9:22:24 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Are you saying you don't like my pants Sara?" "No...I'm just saying, they're big enough for me to fit in there too." "So you're saying you want to get IN my pants...hm." sheepclone posted May 19,2002 9:51:30 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gear shift! Several miles away, in a lush, mossy forest of evergreens, the other CSIs make their way to the crime scene... gfs226 posted May 19,2002 9:53:01 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Flustered, Sara groped for the right words. "Uh, not exactly. No. I mean...I don't know what I meant. Look, I'm just saying hip hop isn't your usual style, you know?" "Good," Grissom teased, "because it's not too late for me to sign you up for the next sexual harassment seminar." The moment was interrupted when Catherine arrived. "Did I just hear someone say..." ALJ posted May 20,2002 12:45:23 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “No,” they both answered in unison. Catherine looked from Sara to Gil, and back again. “I just…thought…nevermind.” She walked back to the break room doorway, and stopped just before exiting. “You both know we have a crime scene, right?” “Yes,” they both answered. Catherine shook her head, a bit bewildered and walked out into the hallway, towards the locker-room. “Those two have the worst case of geek-mind meld that I’ve ever seen.” Mush posted May 20,2002 12:51:36 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gear shift! Several miles away, in a lush, mossy forest of evergreens, the other CSIs make their way to the crime scene... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warrick and Nick, grateful for the relief, stopped at the crime scene. Nothing was amiss, aside from some flattened foliage. "What the hell are we doing in Oregon, Nick?" Warrick asked. "Fibbies called Gris. Gris sent us. One of their agents disappeared here." "What are you not telling me?" "Well, there was supposedly a space ship." "Why do I get the impression Gris just wanted us out of the office?" allthingsMSR posted May 20,2002 4:24:58 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You don't think...Gris likes Sara, do you?" Nick looked confused. "Man, how do you find your way to work in the morning?" Warrick looked at his colleague's blank expression and decided to change the subject. "We need to find whatever it is we're looking for. I'll take this section over here. Why don't you take the left side?" "Right on it." "The other left." "Yeah." The two men worked in silence for an hour. Nicky found a piece of strange metal lying in the leaves. "Warrick?" No answer. "Warrick?" Nick wandered back to the patch of dirt where they had separated. Warrick was gone. Mush posted May 20,2002 4:31:23 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nick ran back in the direction that they came. He found Warrick sitting on a patch of rocks, rubbing his head. "Warrick? Hey man, where'd you go? We gotta dust for prints and stuff." "I don't know what happened. Some weird kind of vortex picked me up and shook me." "You okay?" "Yeah man. Let's go." allthingsMSR posted May 20,2002 4:41:16 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back at the Labitrail. Nick and Warrick walk into Grissom's office. They had just returned from Oregon and wasted no time in returning the to lab to relay their findings. They found their boss at his deak. Sara was sitting in the chair across from him. Judging from the notepad on her lap and the smile on her face Warrick could tell she was analyzing chemical compounds for fun again. Warrick handed Grissom the evidence bag that held the metal fragment from the forest. Grissom looked unimpressed. "This is it?" Grissom looked skeptical; Sara looked amused. "Yes, we thought it might be important." Nicky looked to Warrick for help. Grissom looked lost in thought. "Okay, get this to [Liam]. I think I'm going back to the scene in Oregon. Maybe I'll have better luck." Sara's attention landed on Grissom. "I won't let you go alone. You'll need someone to analyze ...tires...if you find them." Grissom looked almost pleased. "Good idea. Sara, you go home and pack. We'll leave at the end of shift." phxchic posted May 20,2002 4:45:31 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom went through his pack of overnight gear. Clothing, flashlight, rations, and a can of orange spray paint. Everything he would need for his trip to Oregon with Sara. Not quite everything. He would need to stop to pick up some condoms.... Mush posted May 20,2002 5:01:39 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom stopped at Sara's to pick her up. She was waiting outside her apartment when he pulled up in front of her building in the blue Tahoe. She threw her stuff in the back and climbed into the seat behind him and smiled. "Ready?" she asked. "Let's go." He said. And he drove off. It wasn't until he got to the state border that he realized something. He forgot the condoms. allthingsMSR posted May 20,2002 5:07:24 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The drive was a long one, but they finally arrived in Oregon near noon. They arrived at the motel and checked into two rooms. "I'm going to go take a look at these autopsy photos from the previous cases." Grissom said, gesturning toward his room. "Okay. I'm just going to go get ready for bed." "Sara, it's noon." "We work the night shift." "Right." Grissom watched as Sara trudged off. She looked worn down. Maybe she'd need some time off when they got home. He smiled at his own sensitivity and walked the other way. Mush posted May 20,2002 5:10:58 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom was admiring the photos of the Y-incision when there was a knock at his door. He wondered who it could be. "Who is it?" "Mulder, it's me." "Who's Mulder?" A red headed woman was standing at the door. "Where's Mulder?" "I'm sorry ma'am. There is no Mulder here. Goodbye." He was about to pick the pictures up again when there was another knock. "I told you..." he muttered as he trudged to the door. He opened it to find a familiar face. Sara. And she looked...sick. allthingsMSR posted May 20,2002 5:22:14 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sara? What's wrong?" "I'm not sure. I was brushing my teeth and started to feel really light-headed. Then my hands started shaking and I'm cold..." Grissom led her into his room and pulled back the covers. "Here." He pulled off her boots, then laid down next to her. "Maybe I shouldn't have sent you the plant." "What? Grissom..." "You work too hard. When we get home I'm blocking your overtime." "You can't do that!" He kissed her lightly on the cheek. "We'll talk about it." He wondered what was wrong with her as they fell asleep. phxchic posted May 20,2002 5:23:16 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara was dressed in a robe, her hair pulled onto her head. "Gris, my stomach hurts. Could you check and see if it's swollen." She reached up to the collar of the robe and pulled it down, revealing her long, graceful neck and Victoria's Secret underwire brassiere. "Just feel it and see if it's swollen?" Jaden posted May 20,2002 6:19:10 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just as he reached to touch her abdomen, she went into convulsions. "Sara? My God! What is it." He questioned trying to keep his composure. "Uh, hospital. Take me to a. . ." She passed out in his arms. "Sara, wake up." He was panicing now. He rushed to the phone to call an ambulance. "Hello, I'm in room 114. I need an ambulance here now." "I'm sorry," came a unconcerned voice over the line, "all of our outside phone lines are down sir. We could radio for help." Sara's scream of pain sliced into the conversation. "Forget it, how close are we to the nearest hospital?" He listened for a moment and rushed towards the desk. After jotting down the directions, Grissom grabbed his heavy coat slung over an arm chair, and gingerly wrapped up the shivering Sara. He noticed her skin was clammy and cold. "You'll be allright Sara." he murmered as he pulled her close and carried her out to his car. phagocytosic posted May 21,2002 05:41:01 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Half way down the stairs he began to regret the carrying idea, Sara wasn't too heavy at first but she was getting heavier with every step he took. When he reached the foyer, the doorman opened the front door and made to help him with his load. Gil: "No DON'T touch her! I can manage. Get my car, FAST!! It's a black SUV". As the doorman ran down the front steps, Gil watched helplessly. He could hear his muscles screaming and his tendons straining to breaking point, but he knew that if he put her down he would never manage to pick her up again. So he stood there on the steps in the rain, hoping the doorman would return quickly. Jaden posted May 21,2002 1:03:42 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thankfully the doorman pulled up just in time. His cell rang and forgetting he was carrying Sara he dropped her to answer the phone. "Oh, crap!" he said as he saw the blood oozing from her head. "What?" Catherine's voice chimed in. "Cat, oh, no I wasn't uh, what is it?" he stammered. "We just found the body of a thirty-something year old man on the strip wrapped in tin foil. He had shards of metal embedded in his skin that were consistant with the metal you and Sara went to investigate." "A bomb perhaps?" "I'll have them check the body for burns and I'll have Greg check the metal for explosive chemical residue." "Thanks, Catherine." he caught sight of Sara once again. "Look, can you call me later? I'm, a...busy." "Sure." he hung up, gatherered Sara in his arms and hurried to his vehicle. "Ow. What happened." Sara asked drunkenly upon reaching the SUV. "You had a siezure and you, a bumped your head on a coffee table." He said as he buckled her into the front seat all the while avoiding eye contact with her. agent orange posted May 21,2002 6:55:49 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back at the lab... Nicky threw another pencil up towards the ceiling, and ducked when it missed its target. He continued this futile action while he spoke. "Hey Warrick, you ever been to the Ice Capades?" He didn't answer. Nicky turned to see him shaking his head, and knew an answer to his question would mean a deduction from the potential things he could say later in the day. Nicky threw another pencil up in the air. Meanwhile, back in Oregon... allthingsMSR posted May 21,2002 10:42:55 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Where are we going, Grissom?" "To the hospital. You need to get checked out." Grissom looked at Sara firmly. "I'm fine." "Sara, you had a seizure and have lost quite a bit of blood from that cut on your head." "Hand me a kleenex; I'll be fine." She crossed her arms in front of her in defiance. "Let's go back to where Warrick and Nick found that fragment. Maybe we'll find out something there." Grissom sighed. "Okay. Then we get you to a doctor to see why you've been ill. And to ask why your belly is swelling. All this time I thought you were just tucking in your shirts." Sara frowned. "That is strange. You have a point. First we need to check out that forest, though." phxchic posted May 21,2002 11:58:55 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Before Grissom could reply, Sara's face contorted in pain as she grabbed for her abdomen. The skin began to bulge and stretch, and Grissom could only watch in horror as a creature broke through and leapt onto the dashboard. Wrestling to pull the car over without crashing as Sara screamed, Grissom threw the SUV into park and stared at the small...thing...perched above the radio. It appeared to be a frog. Sara held her hands to her stomach as the slimy frog winked at her, pulled a small cane from midair, and tapped a top hat toward the left side of its head. As the frog began kicking and singing, "Everybody loves the Michigan rag...," she lost consciousness. allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 12:02:34 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then Sara woke up. She had fallen asleep on the way to the area Nick had marked on the map before they left Las Vegas. She closed her eyes against a wave of nausea. Fortunately they pulled off to the side of the dirt road they had been on for the last thirty minutes. "We're here?" She asked. "Yes. Get the kit. I'll get these expensive red-light thingies we packed for no reason." Mush posted May 22,2002 01:06:37 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Grissom? I can't get it out." "Oh, sorry...here, let me grab it." He grabbed the kit from the back of the Tahoe, opened it up and took out the useless red light thingies. He placed them all over the forest floor. "Grissom? Tell me again what these are used for?" Sara asked. allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 01:14:58 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, Sara "Murder Central" Sidle, why don't you tell me?" Grissom looked at her pointedly. "You don't know, do you?" "Not a clue." They set them up regardless. As each light was turned on the beam penetrated the darkness only to come to an inexplicable end twenty feet away. "What's that about?" Sara asked, intrigued. "I don't know. You take some pictures of those leaves over there and I'll investigate." "Pictures? All I ever do is take pictures. Why don't you take the pictures for once? I've been solving cases right and left this season and I'm still your photographer?" She bantered. Not hearing a characteristic wry retort from Grissom she turned around. "Grissom? Grissom??" He was gone. Mush posted May 22,2002 01:18:26 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ohmygod. Grissom?!?!?!" Sara searched the forest frantically, tripping on a rock, which didn't do much for her nausea. Maybe he was playing a joke. He had become more playful since, well, nevermind. She climbed in the Tahoe and floored it back to the motel and ran back to Grissom's room and tried to open the door. As she was trying, the door was pulled open... A tall dark haired man in a grey t-shirt and jeans was looking down at her. "Can I help you?" the man asked in a deadpan voice. "Where's Grissom?! Is he here?!" "I'm sorry ma'am. I'm Mulder. There's no Grissom here. But have you seen my transcendentally platonic girlfriend around? She's around 5'4" with red hair." The last thing Sara thought before she passed out was how nice looking the guy was...but he wasn't Grissom... allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 01:25:32 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara awoke hours later in an Oregon hospital. She squinted against the sun coming through the windows. As her eyes adjusted she was surpised to see Brass standing next to her bed. "Brass?" "Hey, uh, Sara." "What are you doing here? What am I doing here?" She looked around the room, disconcerted. "You passed out in front of some fed." "Ah." All of a sudden the events of earlier in the day came racing back to her. "Where's Grissom?" As soon as she asked she knew the answer. Brass looked like a tear was about to emerge from his wrily profane eyes. Brass turned to leave, patting Sara on the hand as he went. Sara called his name as he reached the door. "Yes?" "I really have no trouble explaining this or believing this, but I took a EPT this morning and I'm...pregnant." sheepclone posted May 22,2002 01:29:49 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brass looked as if someone just told him he'd be getting Marg Helgenberger's hairdresser. "Is it mine?" he asked. allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 01:38:20 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara shook her head as tears sprang to her eyes. "No, if it was yours I wouldn't be in the predicament of not knowing how many legs my baby will have!" Realization dawned on Brass' face. "Insect or arachnid?" "I don't know, but I'm sure it will be symmetrical." Mush posted May 22,2002 01:40:12 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara stared at Brass, confused. "Um, no. You're scaring me Brass." "Just kidding...when did this happen?" "Well, this one weekend, I was working overtime. So was Grissom. We were, uh, examining bedsheets and, well, one thing led to another and..." She started sobbing. "...I have to find him." Brass shook his head and walked out. Sara turned to the other woman in the ward with her. She had red hair. Could she be the transcendentally platonic red haired girlfriend of the guy in Grissom's room? "Hi." "Hi," the woman replied. "My name's Sara. What's your's?" "Dana. My transcendentally platonic boyfriend is missing. Sucked up by some damn alien ship." Dana shed a few tears. "So here I am. Knocked up while Mulder plays Monopoly with ET." "Nice to meet you Dana. Uh, have you checked your hotel?" "No. What are you in for?" "Oh," Sara said. "I'm knocked up, too. We should have a club. I don't know where my, uh, boss is. He just--sniff--disappeared!" sheepclone posted May 22,2002 01:48:20 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Yeeeeeah..........." Brass trailed off as he desperately looked around the room for something to distract him from Sara's spiderbaby dilemma and how buying little cute booties would be a big pain in the ass for her. Nevermind this red-haired woman that suddenly appeared. "WHELP, anyway, good luck with all that." The door slamming shut and feet quickly running away was all Sara heard as she closed her eyes and laid back down on the bed. allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 01:50:52 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara reopened her eyes seconds later. She continued her conversation with Dana. "That's a shame." Dana said, not really changing facial expression. Sara got the impression she had been here before. "Where are you from?" "Las Vegas. Grissom and I are criminalists." "And he's your boss?" "Yes." "But I take it your not transcendentally platonic." "Apparently not." Sara was confused by this whole conversation. "Who do you think took him?" Sara pondered this. "He might have gone off after a pretty bug. He likes those. Either that or he was abducted by gangbangers. Either way, I must find him. I have to." Mush posted May 22,2002 01:59:41 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Can I ask you something, Dana?" "Sure," the red-haired woman said. "What in the heck do you mean by 'transcendentally platonic?'" "Oh. Sorry for the confusion. Well, see, Mulder and I aren't allowed to be involved. The creator doesn't permit that." "Are you talking about God?" Sara asked, perplexed. "Oh. No. Some surfer dude in California. He can't decide whether we're doing it or not. Heck, I honestly don't know if this is some damn alien baby--already had one of those and let me tell ya it ain't fun--or if this is a miracle baby. There was this one night that I went over to his place and we had tea. And then I got dressed in his room the next morning. I don't know if we did anything or not. So, it's gonna be a year or so before I have this baby and know." Sara nodded. "Okay." She was thankful that things weren't exactly that weird. allthingsMSR posted May 22,2002 02:06:36 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her creator seemed to be a cool guy. They were allowed to have their transcendentally quasi-nonplatonic zen moment during their second year together IV--In Vegas. Their only problem had been Grissom's propensity for deafness. Now he was gone and she was about to have their little Gregor. She knew she had to get back to Vegas. Catherine, Nicky, and Wa..Warren? Warrsomething...would help her find Grissom. Maybe the answer rested in the bag of dirt she had found right before Grissom went missing. QueegQueg posted May 22,2002 03:48:34 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Following a strange looking insect --- so strange that he had never seen it before ---, Grissom walked into the forest. "Sara, come and take a look at this..." There was no answer. He looked around; it's the same forest but somewhat different. For starters, Sara was not there and he was sure he shouldn't be too far away to see her. He took the second look. It seemed like there were something transparent covering the whole area, emmiting some low humming, sounded like a mixture of "The Sky Is Broken" and "Unbound". He tried to walk out, but he couldn't. Grissom started to wander in the woods with his un-earthly bug sample. Far away he saw a shadow. "Sara?" No. It wasn't Sara. It was a tall man in grey T-Shirt, dark hair. "Sir?" the tall man asked, "did you happen to see my transcendantally platonic girlfriend?" phagocytosic posted May 22,2002 06:16:58 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hmmm I'm not sure. Is she small and fat with a shiny blue body and 12 legs?" "I don't think so. But then she always told me I wasn't very observant, and it would explain that large credit card bill from Shoe World." In the distance they could hear a growling noise. It was getting louder. Grissom felt himself being pulled down to the ground. He fell so hard he was temporarily winded. It was a full two minutes before he got his breath back and was able to speak. "Sara?" Then he saw it.... "Guess not...." The tall stranger spoke. "It's.......... Mush posted May 22,2002 11:13:15 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Eeeeeeee Teeeeeeee phoooooone hoooooome!" the tall creature said. He was brownish grey and wrinkly. It was a giant bug. "Ohmygosh. It's an alien!" Mulder said. "No, Mr. Mulder. I assure you it's not. It's an insect." "Alien!" "Bug!" "Alien!" "Bug!" "Elllliot??" the creature said. "Uh, no. My name's Gil Grissom. I work with the Las Vegas crime lab." "Iiiiii'll beeee riiiiiight heeeeeere." "Dammit. Scully is never here to see these things!" Mulder said. "Don't worry. It's just a bug. And it's going back to Vegas with me." "Dammit, Bug Boy! It's an alien! And it's going back to DC." "Insect!" "Alien!" "Hey there, big bug. Would you like to go to Vegas??" "Eeeeeee. Teeeeeeeee. Phoooooone. Hoooooooome." "Hey ET. If you come to DC with me, you can use my cell phone!" Mulder said. But before they could continue their argument, the creature flew off in a space ship, leaving only a half eaten bag of Reeses Pieces behind. Mulder ran up to them. "Yes! My favorite! I'm starving!" Grissom grabbed his arm. "Don't you touch! That's evidence!" phagocytosic posted May 23,2002 11:56:38 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "No really, Wait you CAN'T eat those......Here if you're THAT hungry have this." Grissom reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper bag and handed it to Mulder. Mulder opened the bag and peered in. He took something out and sniffed it tentitively. He looked at the box and read out loud. "Slimfit, ribbed for your pleasure, strawberry flavoured, edible disposable gloves. HuH. You guys are so lucky." "What?" said Grissom grabbing the bag back. He looked at it for a moment."Oh sorry wrong bag, they're still under trial. Saves rubber". He put the bag back in his jacket pocket and handed Mulder the bag of smarties he'd been carrying in his back trouser pocket for the last 2 days. Mulder looked in the bag suspiciously.... "Hmmmm. I've changed my mind, Can I have the other bag back." "No. SHHHHHHHHH.....There's someone coming.." adrenalinegirl posted May 23,2002 4:24:30 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I...I can't see....what IS that?" "I...don't...know" Grissom squinted. "Wait! I have a pickle in my pants!" "WHAT?" Grissom whipped out his pickle along with various wires and equipment and hurredly hooked it all together. Mulder looked on with astonishment. "All this time you had a pickle and all you offered me were stale smarties and a damn strawberry glove?!" Concentrating diligently on his task, Grissom seems to be ignoring him. Moulder sidles up for a closer looksee, gently pressing his taut pectoral against Grissom's shoulder. "Don't you guys carry flashlights?" "Shuush!" Grissom pointed the glowing pickle in the direction of the strange noise. Maggrad posted May 24,2002 11:06:51 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The pickle didn't produce much light, so Mulder rolled his eyes and produced a gigantic flashlight with a searchlight-strength beam. "Where'd that come from?" Gil asked incredulously. Mulder shrugged. "Dunno. I always seem to have one." Suddenly, the noise seemed directly ahead of them. Mulder directed the beam forward, only to see a dancing midget, who was speaking backwards. Grissom furrowed his brow, and looked at Mulder, who was now munching on sunflower seeds. "Where'd thosecome from?" he demanded. Mulder shrugged again, saying, "I think the better question is where'd he come from?" Mush posted May 24,2002 12:29:10 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom looked at the FBI agent incredulously. "Hey. That's MY line!" "Sorry, man. Can we stop worrying about grammar and maybe about this dancing little thing here?" "Sure. Mr. Mulder?" "It's Agent Mulder. What?" "Is it just me or is the midget doing La Macarena?" Jaden posted May 24,2002 3:21:32 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile back at the hospital. . . A monkey wonders into Sara and Scully's room wearing a nurses uniform, making strange hand gestures. "I don't think that monkey has the credentials to be a nurse." Scully whispers over to Sara. "Shh! That's no nurse. It's an undercover secret agent monkey and it's telling me something in sign language." Sara snapped. "No need to get emotional. Why do you know sign language?" Scully questioned. "Oh, MY GOD!" Sara vaulted from her bed as the monkey scurried out of the room. "What's the problem?" Scully asked getting more and more irritated with the skinny brunette. "The monkey.. told me...our babies have been kiddnapped by a miget doing the...macarena." Sara choked out between sobs. "I may be mistaken, but I don't think we've given birth to them yet." Scully stared at the skinny girl as she searched the room for something to throw at her. "Duh, alien special trasporters!" Sara said as she was dressing frantically. "I think I know where they're going" Scully interjected as she too began to dress. "We've got to find Grissom!" Sara screamed as she ran out of the door. "Wait! Who is Grissom?" Back in the forest... rain70 posted May 24,2002 3:49:52 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom and Mulder are staring at the dancing midget when a scream erupts somewhere in the woods behind them. "What was that?" "Sounded like a scream Agent Mulder, why don't you go investigate." "No way. I got the midget. You go." The screaming gets louder. "We'll both go." Mulder stuffs his seeds in his pocket and they walk into the woods together. "Wanna hold my hand?" Gil considers it for a second. "No thank you. Oh my god!" There is a man tied to a tree ahead of them and a young woman with black eyes standing in front of him. "Uh..where'd his skin go? Agent Mulder?? Hey!" Mulder is long gone. The scary girl with the black eyes turns her attention to Gil. "Hey you over there with the pickle..." "M-me??" "Do you see anyone else with a pickle Einstein?" "No, actually it's Grissom." "Oh...it's YOU! Hate to tell you this but you've wandered into the wrong TV series." "Oh." Gil is staring at the skinned body tied to the tree. "What'd he do?" "Ruined an entire season. Bad plot line." Gil shakes his head. "That's rough. Well, I'll let you get back to work Ms..." "Rosenberg." Gil nods politely and follows Mulder's path back to the dancing midget. Justin Cognito posted May 24,2002 4:33:12 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Who was that?" Mulder asked. "I don't know, but- duck." Mulder lowered his head as a crossbow bolt flew over and imbedded itself in a tree. "Hey!" A blonde girl wearing tight leather pants that would normally be unsuitable for running came up to them. "You seen a black-eyed girl who looks like she OD'd on Clairol #6?" Grissom indicated back the way he'd came. "Thanks." The girl ran off in that direction. "Maybe we should get back to the dancing midget," Grissom suggested. "Good idea," Mulder said. Meanwhile, back in Las Vegas... phagocytosic posted May 24,2002 5:16:54 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nicky and Warick walked along the corrider. "We've got to find Grissom and Sara, Warrick." "Whatever." "Let's try his office." They knocked on the door but there was no answer so they walked in. "Well they're not here. You keep lookout, Warrick I'll check his desk." "Whatever." Warrick put his head out the door. Nicky started to go through the things on Grissom's desk. "Let's see. Soap powder, jar of conjealed human blood, ant farm, bag of Caberry's Crunchy Chocolate Crickets, WAIT, that's strange........" "What is?" Warrick started to walk towards Nicky. "His flashlight." "You mean all that crap you found on his desk and you think the flashlight is strange, Nicky you need to get out more." "Come on, remember it's Grissom we're talking about." "Yeah, true." "He never goes anywhere with out his flashlight. I wonder were he'd go but wouldn't think to take his flashlight?" They looked at each other. Suddenly it dawned on them both. The only place Grissom would go without his flashlight. They both ran out the door together....... Jaden posted May 24,2002 6:13:45 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warrick & Nicky make their way to the closest strip joint. Warrick peers around the smokey room looking for the familiar face of his boss. "You see him anywhere?" Warrick said offhandedly. "Who?" Nicky replied in confusion. "Grissom, you idiot!" "Oh, sorry. I was looking for my ex-girlfriend." Just then he saw a beautiful redhead saunter out onto the catwalk. "CAT! What the hell are you doing here?" Warrick blurted out as he caught sight of her. "Well, you know with all the screen time being divided between Grissom & Sara I had to get a second job. Too bad, they're gonna kick Lydsay out of Christian school for this." Nicky listened intently hypnotized by the feather she wore on her head. "We're looking for Grissom." Warrick told her in his characteristic deep tones. "He forgot his flashlight." Nicky helped. "And you're looking for him here?" She said as she noticed Nicky throwing pencils at the ceiling again. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Come on."She motioned as she picked up her trench coat and wrapped it around her slender frame. "Where are we going?" Warrick asked unable to take his eyes off her. "Pack your bags boys. We're going to Oregon." she said slyly as Warrick and Nick quickly followed. phagocytosic posted May 26,2002 6:45:58 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back in the forest Grissom and Mulder were standing watching the dancing midget. The midget was still talking to them backwards. "So what are we going to do now, Grissom?" Grissom was bending over, eye level with the midget. Mulder was standing behind him. "SHHH....I'm trying to listen to what the midget is trying to tell us." "You can understand what he's saying!!??" "She...actually. You don't get out much do you, Mulder?" "I do actually, but I guess not to the same places you do." Mulder took a step backwards. "You're full of surprises. Any more CSI qualifications I should know about?" Grissom stood up looked at Mulder and pursed his lips. "I can speak French because I have a French uncle,I speak latin because I had to learn it for anatomy classes, I can communicate in sign language because my mother was deaf and taught me. I'm able to speak backwards because......." "Let me guess, you can speak backwards because you learned to recognise it from some long running case involving a serial killer?" "No. I learned to speak backwards so I could communicate with Nicky when he gets excited. "Oh." "Come on the midget told me how we can get out of here. We need to go to the edge of the forest, click or heels together and repeat, There's no place like an appartment with no bedroom, three times. They started to run towards the clearing in the distance. "You don't talk to the animals, do you Grissom? Grissom scowled in the darkness. Justin Cognito posted May 27,2002 06:42:17 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom and Mulder ran over to the designated area, and started clicking their heels together. "I feel like Judy Garland," Mulder wisecracked. "Just say it," Grissom sighed. "There's no place like an apartment with no bedroom, there's no place like an apartment with no bedroom, there's no place like an apartment with no bedroom..." Suddenly, Mulder and Grissom were lifted up into the sky. After some of the trippiest special effects since that tunnel scene in "Willy Wonka", Grissom fell onto the couch of an apartment. He surveyed his new surroundings. There was a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room... but no bedroom. "Agent Mulder, it worked!" Grissom cried. Mulder was nowhere to be seen. "Agent Mulder?" From the bathroom, Grissom could hear Mulder saying, in a strange, mocking tone of voice, "How's Scully? How's Scully? How's Scully?" phagocytosic posted May 27,2002 11:50:21 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara and Scully were running along to pavement outside the hospital towards the SUV. They opened the doors and climbed in. "Where are we going, Sara?" "I think the best thing to do is to stop and think for a moment."Grissom once said, "Sometimes to go fast, you need to go slow." "Oh dear God, someone got him "101 Hykaus for the well informed geek or 101 stupid things to say when you have nothing else to say that actually makes sense", didn't they. "Yes, we gave it to him for his birthday, how did you know?" "Mulder wrote it." "Oh." "Wait I'm getting a message...... I can hear Mulder..." "What's he saying?" "I'm not sure.......Scully closed her eyes to concentrate..."I can see him, he's in a small room. He's speaking but I can't hear what's he's saying. I hear running water and he's wiping his hands on his torusers, now he's leaving the small room. "PUT THE SEAT DOWN, PUT THE SEAT DOWN !!!!", Scully had shouted so suddenly it made Sara jump. Before Sara could ask, Scully continued. "Wait I see something else, I see an older man lying on a couch that he's too big for. He's surrounded by dead butterflies and the worst decore I've seen in a long time." "I know where they are", Sara said, starting up the SUV. "Where?" "The only place I know that has worse wallpaper than Grissom's computer.......Grissom's townhouse." phagocytosic posted May 27,2002 5:06:18 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile back in the car park at the strip club...... Nicky: "I'll drive.." Warrick: "No I'll drive.." Catherine: "Both of you get in the back, I'M driving. Nicky and Warrick shrugged their shoulders and climbed in the back seat of the SUV." Catherine: "OK guys, make like 97.1% of the population of Las Vegas..." Warrick: "You want us to play Blackjack?" Catherine: "BELT UP !!" Nicky: " Gee. He only asked.." Warrick: "Hey, you're tougher than Grissom. At least lets us talk in the back." Catherine twisted around to face them. Catherine: "No guys. Put your seat belts on." Nicky: "Oh." After some fumbling and fussing they finally managed to fasten their belts. Warrick: "Hey look Nicky, I've got Mickey Mouse on my belt." Nicky screwed up his face and folded his arms across his chest. Nicky: "It's not fair...and Grissom NEVER lets me talk when I'm in the back." Catherine turned around to face the front and started the engine. She wandered, not for the first time, how Nicky even get out of bed in morning. But to be fair, she knew Grissom could be strict for reasons that she couldn't always see. Nicky: "Catherine?" Catherine: "Yes Nicky." Nicky: "Are we nearly there yet? Not that I'm encouraging you to drive any faster but..." Catherine: "But what?" Nicky: "Well do you think that there'll be a toilet where we're going? Or we could just pull over at the nearest bush, 'cause well I just need to ....well you know, but I don't need to, well you know......" Catherine sighed. Catherine: "Shut up, Nicky." sheepclone posted May 27,2002 7:41:20 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sara and Scully screeched to a halt outside Grissom's townhouse. Scully removed her nails from the dashboard of the Tahoe. "Do you always drive like that?" Sara turned her head, confused. "Well, I would have driven faster, but there was traffic." They climbed out of the car and ran up to the door, knocking furiously. No answer. They knocked again. "Come on, Grissom, open up!" Sara yelled to the door. Suddenly the locks started to click, and the door swung open. Scully and Sara stared at the man in the doorway. He was dressed in a black suit, and had a fedora pulled down low on his head. The two women exchanged a profound glance as the man simply stared back at them. "Sorry," Scully finally said, looking at the address number. "We're at the wrong place..." She grabbed Sara's hand and yanked her to the next townhouse over. "Wait!" Sara protested and they walked up to Grissom's door. "Don't you want to find out why Alex Trebeck is living next door to Grissom?" Scully turned to her, exasperated. "Unless something kidnaps myself or my partner, gives me a rare and incurable illness, kills one of my siblings, threatens my career, second-guesses my medical opinion, or is half-man, half-fluke, I don't really see the point in pursuing it. Now come on, we have to find your, uh, boss, and my trancendentally non-platonic boyfriend." allthingsMSR posted May 27,2002 9:35:49 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They approached Grissom's door several yards away. Sara raised her hand to knock before Scully interrupted her. "Don't you have a key? I had a key to Mulder's back in season one." "I've never needed one. Besides, Grissom knows I'd just pick the lock anyways." "Oh." They heard the latch slide on the door. Sara took a step back as the tall, dark-haired, pretty man from the cabin stood in Grissom's doorway. "Mulder." Scully breathed. "Scully!" Mulder gave her a long kiss on the forehead. Sara watched the strange display for a few moments. She wanted to go in and find her symmetrically non-platonic boyfriend, but the two people in front of her were blocking the doorway. They were speaking in hushed tones. Sara couldn't hear everything, but she thought she heard the words "touchstone" and "whole person." She tapped her foot impatiently. She had some important news to tell Grissom before they headed to the office to discover that their co-workers were left in Oregon. Mush posted May 27,2002 11:00:50 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally, the couple took their odd mating ritual out into the hallway. "Feds," Sara whispered under her breath as she pushed into Grissom's apartment. Grissom was in the kitchen making himself something to drink. "Grissom," she said. He looked up. "Where the hell did you go?" "Back to my apartment?" he replied. Sara raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Why did you leave me in Oregon?" "Sorry about that," Grissom said. "See there was this midget doing La Macarena and this big insect..." Mulder interrupted him. "It was an ALIEN." Scully hit him on the arm. "Well, it was." "No, it was an insect, Agent Mulder," Grissom said proudly, standing his ground. "Anyway, this insect talked about phoning home and being right here. And then the next thing we knew, we were here." By this point, both Sara and Scully had their arms crossed and eyebrows raised at their respective transcendentally platonic and non-platonic partners. The men ducked behind Grissom's kitchen counter. "Grissom," Sara said. "I have something to tell you." "What's that?" he asked. "I ended up in the hospital back in Oregon and while I was there, they, um, ran a pregnancy test on me." "Oh really? That's nice." "I'm pregnant," Sara said. "Me, too!" Scully said. "Yeah, we have a 'knocked-up' club." Sara said with a grin. Mulder and Grissom looked over at one another with shocked looks on their faces. "But Scully," Mulder said. "We're transcendentally platonic. How did it happen?" Grissom had a funny look on his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. What did you say?" allthingsMSR posted May 27,2002 11:43:35 PM EST profile email -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A frown crossed Sara's features. His hearing was only getting worse. The doctor said it was irreversible, except there was a surgery that was 99.9% effective. It was even covered in the insurance, but for some reason the doctor wanted him to wait four months to consider any treatment options. When Sara had confronted her on this she only mumbled something about "sweeps." Sara spoke again. "I said, I'm pregnant." Grissom looked weak. "Sara, we had discussed this. That's why I got you the plant. I thought you were on the pill." "I was, but Nicky had a headache so I sent him into my locker to get some aspirin. He got a little confused. I didn't have the heart to tell him. I didn't think one day would hurt..." Sara trailed off as Grissom hugged her. "I'm really happy. Really. We can move the tarantulas out of my spare bedroom. It will make a lovely nursery once our little one pupates." Mulder cleared his throat. "This is all very touching, but what are we doing now?" Mush posted May 28,2002 12:11:51 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Well, Agent Mulder, I'm gonna go and take a look at my little one's future cocoon," Sara said. "Wait a minute. Are you saying you're having a bug baby?" Mulder asked. "This is great stuff! Scully write this down!" "Mulder, what's the big deal about them having a bug baby? We might be having an alien," Scully said. Mulder's eyes lit up like he had just hit three sevens in the casino. "Really?!?!" Mulder said. "Scully, you've made me the happiest man on this planet." He gave Scully another forehead kiss. Sara said, "Actually, in an effort to answer your question, I don't think we're having a bug baby. But thank you for your concern." "Actually, Agent Scully, I think we can help you," Grissom said. "We have the number two crime lab in the country. We could run some lab work for you if you'd like." Grissom grinned proudly. "No Mr. Grissom, that won't be necessary," Scully said. "See, when Mulder disappears, I need something to keep me sobbing and preoccupied for a year. We want to be surprised." "Okay," Grissom said. "But if you change your mind, we've got this guy with some quirky hair in our lab who knows eighty different ways to work a microscope." "Scully," Sara said. "You want to come look at the larvae's room?" "Sure!" she said. Scully walked toward the spare bedroom. Grissom and Mulder shook hands and congratulated one another while Scully and Sara discussed nursery decorating tips. phxchic posted May 28,2002 04:13:44 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm thinking we could do a really lovely border around the room," Grissom said, "And we could build a nice crib for the little bugger." "Don't call him a bugger, Gil. It's not nice." admonished Sara, while she eyed the small cramped space. "And since when are you handy with wood?" "Well, I thought we could get Bob Vila. I was flipping channels the other afternoon looking for a special on stinky animals, and I saw a commercial that said he could work an allen wrench in 27 different ways." "27?" Sara asked. "That's impressive. I can think of only a couple." She surveyed the room again, her brow crinkling. "How about some color? Like yellow?" "Yellow?" Grissom made a face. "No, burgundy. With stripes." "In a child's room? That would never work--" A strange voice came from the doorway. "Magenta. And taupe. Definitely. All around the room." Grissom and Sara turned and gasped at the rail thin woman standing in the hall. Her black hair matched her wardrobe, and her mouth was pursed in a thin line. "Who the hell are you, and why are you in my house?" The woman's mouth turned in a brittle smile as she held out her hand. "I am Hildi. And I am the perfect designer for your nursery." phagocytosic posted May 28,2002 08:39:30 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mulder and Scully stood in the living room. "You know Scully I've been thinking." "Are you sure that's wise? The last time you did that we ended up in a cornfield in Kansas, being chased by killer bees." Mulder just looked at her. She shrugged her shoulders. "Of all the X-files we've been involved in over the years, Scully, this is the strangest." "Ya think? What strikes you as strange? The disappearances, reappearances, the midget, the big insect.. "Alien..." "The big INSECT or the pregnancies." "None of those." "Really? Why doesn't that suprise me?" "What I find really strange is that this Grissom guy lives in a dark sparse townhouse all on his own, there's no bedroom, the blinds open but they're down so only some light gets through and his answering machine has nothing but messages from a irate girls who he appears to have stood up....... How can anyone live like this ! It's soooo sad." "Yah Mulder. It's a mystery. It's a real mystery." Maggrad posted May 28,2002 3:37:14 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, on the road to Oregon... "Catheriiiiinnnne," whined Nicky, "it's been over an hoooouuuurrrr. I really have to goooo." Catherine sighed, and pulled onto the shoulder. Nicky unbuckeled his seatbelt, opened the door and headed for the trees, yelling, "Thank God!" As soon as he got out of the car, Warrick pulled the door shut and Catherine hit the gas, leaving Nicky on the side of the road. Warrick nimbly maneuvered himself into the front passenger seat, as Catherine marveled at his flexibility. "Now," Warrick said, "where are we heading again?" Catherine looked at him, smiled, and said... phagocytosic posted May 28,2002 5:00:31 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile back on the farm.....er in the townhouse. Grissom and Sara were getting a bit annoyed at their uninvited guest. "But Sara, I like horse fly green." "So do I but good designers are hard to come by and she says no." Scully sighed and walked into the room. "Guys, I hate to break up the party but I thought we were on a case. We're getting nowhere fast." Grissom and Sara looked at each other. "OK we're coming. Come on Sara, we can do this later." "Oh, alright, but I'm hungry." Scully looked at Sara. She was feeling a little peckish herself. "No problem we can sit here and have something to eat while we discuss our next move. Let's see what Grissom has in his fridge." Scully walked across the livingroom to the fridge in the walkin kitchen. She opened the door and was met with a strange stench." "What the hell......something in here has gone off." Grissom started to walk over towards her." "Really? I suppose it could be the cheese on the bottom shelf or the goats milk in the door." "Nnnoo", said Scully taking out a tuperware container and holding it at arms length. "I think it's coming from this." "That can't right." Grissom took the container from her and cracked open the corner to look in. "Oh yeah it might be that.....I had forgotten all about that. It's the evidence from the last case we were working." Sara looked at him. "Grissom, the last case we worked was a serial killer who took the index fingers from all his victims." "Yeah that's it. I decided to do a little homework." Suddenly Scully fainted. Sara ran for the toilet with her hand over her mouth. Grissom looked hurt. "Oh come on guys, they're packed in ice, I'm not completely stupid." He looked into the container again. "Or at least, they were when I brought them home last week." Mulder sauntered over to Grissom, he popped a handful of sunflower seeds into his mouth and peered into the container. "Cool." phxchic posted May 28,2002 7:11:33 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hildi sauntered over to the refrigerator in her Prada pumps and peered into the Tupperware bowl. "That's it! That's the color I'm looking for! And we could use these to build a mobile..." Mulder and Grissom ignored her ramblings as the sounds of wretching came from Grissom's bathroom. Mulder wandered over to a collection of videotapes, idly reading the titles. Grissom absentmindedly handed Hildi the Tupperware bowl as he made his way to the couch to lie down. "Your choice of videos stinks," Mulder offered, still reading the titles. "What did you have in mind?" "I like...action...movies." "I think I have Manhunter there..." "Nah. Boring. That agent guy? Totally fake." Grissom gave Mulder a narrowed glare. "I like that movie." "Sure. Fine. Whatever." He popped his last sunflower seed and stepped over Scully's unconscious body to poke through the kitchen cabinets. "When do we eat?" Meanwhile, somewhere on the open highway... agent orange posted May 28,2002 9:47:35 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nicky stared at the open desert around him. "Come on, guys, this isn't funny." He walked several paces. "You can come out now." Silence. "Catherine?" Silence. "Warrick?" Silence. "Liam?" Silence again. And then suddenly...it hit him! The answers to everything! He knew where Grissom and Sara were! He knew the answer to the mystery of the strange piece of flying metal! He knew why Liam's hair did the things it did! It all made perfect sense now! "See! See! I'm smart! Honest! What you guys come out now? Pllleeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee!" IP: Logged Mush posted May 29,2002 12:03:07 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little while later, Grissom and Sara said their goodbyes to Mulder and Scully. They gave up on the case. Hildi got them set up with their homework. Mulder and Scully got back to Washington in record time and made their way up to Mulder's apartment. The door was partially open. Mulder drew his gun and stepped in. A round older man with a beard was running around in his living room with a paint brush. And what the hell was on his walls?!?! "Excuse me. Who are you and what the hell have you done to my living room?!" "Oh Agent Mulder! You're home! Great! Now we can get you and Agent Scully all set up with your homework." Mulder and Scully exchanged confused looks. "What was your name again?" Scully asked. "Oh I'm so sorry!" the man said. He walked up and enthusiastically shook the hands of Mulder and Scully. "My name is Frank. I'm decorating your baby's nursery! What do you think?" Mulder and Scully could merely stare at the mural on the wall above the couch. Aliens were swinging on a swingset under a blue sky. Little green alien heads made a border around the living room. "This is all wrong," Mulder said. "You can say that again," Scully added. Frank looked hurt. "What do you mean?" "Aliens aren't green. They're grey. Or in the case of the alien back in Oregon, they're kind of tannish brown..." allthingsMSR posted May 29,2002 12:07:14 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine and Warrick sat in contented silence on their way back to Vegas. Something still weighed on Warrick's mind, however. "Cat? Wasn't that a little harsh? I'm starting to feel bad. What if he never finds his way home?" "Nicky couldn't find his way home if we left him at work. This was just more for our benefit." "True that." Warrick smiled at Catherine. An inexplicable tension filled the air. He reached over and touched her cheek lightly. She looked over, surprised. "Blood. From Nicky." "Oh." Nicky had put up quite a struggle when they pushed him out the door. Catherine waited a moment before continuing. "Warrick, it's just not time. We'll have enough office politics soon with Grissom and Sara. Let's wait a couple se...years." Warrick looked beleaguered. If he couldn't be with Catherine he'd be relegated to standing in the background of her scenes. Fortunately he was a patient man. sheepclone posted May 29,2002 12:30:58 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NIcky continued to wander through the woods, enlightened. Suddenly he heard a CRUNCH, and looked down to see a Reese's piece on the ground. As he bent to pick it up he heard something rustle behind him. "Miiiiiiiine..." He turned around to face the voice. "Oh my God," he exclaimed, staring at the large, bulbous head, the long fingers. "That's the strangest-looking dog I've ever seen!" Meanwhile.... Warrick and Catherine sat in silence as they continued to drive down the highway. It was getting dark, and Warrick peered out through his window. "Full moon tonight," he observed. "The stars are nice, too, and-- HOLY CRAP! Catherine, STOP!" She slammed on the brakes. "Jesus! What is it??!" "L-look! Up there! At the moon!" Warrick stammered. They both gazed up in disbelief as the sillouette of a tall, slender man and an al-- INSECT on a bicycle passed in front of the moon. "That's impossible!" Warrick gasped. "I know, " Catherine said, shaking her head. "I didn't think Nick knew how to ride a bike." allthingsMSR posted May 29,2002 12:55:12 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom heard a knock on his door. With a worried backwards glance at his pale (and ten pounds lighter, but not stereotypically so) little Plant he crossed the room to answer it. He was shocked at who was on the other side. Nicky stood with a large insect, the latter's little insect paw pressed into Nicky's hand. "Hey, Grissom!" Nicky exclaimed, excited. "Look at the dog I found in the woods!" Grissom stared at the younger man in disbelief. "Nick, that isn't a dog, that's a Largis Insectus!" A female voice came from background. "That's Latin for 'you're an idiot!" "Sara, why don't you rest?" Grissom looked back at Nicky. "Seriously. That's an insect." Mulder came up behind Grissom. "That's an alien." "Insect." "Alien." Mulder said, exasperated yet somehow still with a blank expression. "INSECT!" "Okay. Scully? You want some yogurt or something?" Mulder retreated into the living room. "Seriously, Grissom. Do you think I can keep the dog?" "Nick, how did you get here?" "We flew on a bike! It was cool." Nicky was practically jumping up and down. "Nicky, I want you to think. Think hard. Pie, Pie, Pie. What don't dogs do?" "Talk!" He looked proud. Grissom shook his head. "Come inside. Bring your friend. Don't get too close to Sara, though. She's not feeling well. And she doesn't like..." At Nicky's confused look he finished "...dogs." Mush posted May 29,2002 01:02:54 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Wait," Sara said. Grissom and Nicky turned around. The insect focused his big blue eyes on her. "No. Not you," Sara said. "Mulder and Scully." The Feds stopped and turned around. "I thought you went back to DC." "We did," Mulder said. "But there was this weird guy with a paintbrush and we wanted to skip out on our homework." "Yeah," Scully said. "He wanted us to stencil a border on the top of Mulder's fish tank and wanted us to reupholster the sofa." "Oh," Sara said. "Frank's not gonna be happy about that!" Hildi called from the larvae's room. "Hildi's got us painting tonight," Sara whispered with a roll of her eyes. "Anyways. Go enjoy your yogurt." "Thanks," Mulder and Scully said as they walked out the door. Maggrad posted May 29,2002 12:09:22 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But they stopped short, for there, in the hallway was an irate designer, with a dangerous look in his eye and a loaded paint brush. "YOU CAN'T SKIP THE HOMEWORK," he bellowed. Softly, Hildy said, "Damn." Scully turned to look at Hildy who explained, "I've never seen him less than congenial before." "THERE WILL BE HOMEWORK!" Frank bellowed again, then smiled widely as he pushed a spare paintbrush into Mulder's hand. "Now then, I need you two to finish this reproduction of the Last Supper on plywood. Agent Scully, I noticed the cross you wear, and I thought you would like a little religion introduced into the baby's room." Mulder looked into the hallway, and saw a 20-foot board with a faint and mostly incomplete outline of the famous painting. "But, but it's huge!" Mulder stammered. "We'll never get it done in time!" "You'd better," Frank replied sternly. "You have an iron-clad contract with us." "But," Scully started... "Iron. Clad." Frank finished. allthingsMSR posted May 29,2002 3:32:15 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom and Sara came into the living room to see what the commotion was about. Both were surprised to see a short, older man with a bright red complexion. Hildi jumped in to divert them. "Let's go back into the nursery. I have the most wonderful idea regarding the grape souffle paint and some hay..." Grissom started back into the other room, but turned when Sara didn't follow him. He was suprised to see the moony face she generally reserved for him directed at a tall, lanky man in the doorway. "Hey, I'm Ty," the man drawled. "I'm here to install your crib." redwing74 posted May 29,2002 4:12:56 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the Tahoe on the way back to Vegas: Sudden clunking noises came from the engine as Catherine passed the 20 miles to Vegas sign. "Uh oh" She said "What?" Warrick said and look at her concerned. "Didnt we tell Nicky to fill the tank up?" She asked him "Yea..dont tell me? He didnt did he?" "Oh he sure did..his driving privledges are taken away when we get back. I swear that kid, no wonder he cant keep straight what school he went too" Warrick took in her expression and wondered when it would be HIS turn for some lovin'. Dang that Sara and Grissom!! "Well now what?" She asks "I guess we wait till morning and hope someone finds us." Warrick says beleagured. "Sure, how bout that backseat? Sure looks comfy..." phagocytosic posted May 30,2002 05:51:48 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine climbed into the back seat and reached under the drivers seat. "Right I'll just slip into something a bit more comfortable." She pulled out a small case, put it on her knee and opened it. Warrick's mind raced........What on earth would a former stripper consider comfortable? Oh man his luck was in, at last..... Oh well he thought, as Gris always said, "Be Prepared." He undid his trousers,"POP !! Zzzzzziippppppppp!!" and turned around. As he turned Catherine closed the suit case. She was dressed in a long sleeved flannelette nightie, cap and thick woollen bed socks. "Zzzzzziippppppp!! POP !!" Catherine looked at Warrick, unaware of his inner turmoil. "Well you know how cold it gets in the desert and as Grissom always says,"Be Prepared." Damn he thought, all the people she could listen to and she picks the over grown Boy Scout with no life. Heck it's been so long since Grissom last scored that there's a rumour going around the CSI unit that he's thinking of becoming a nun. allthingsMSR posted May 30,2002 1:53:16 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Grissom and Sara sat on the couch contemplating the upcoming birth of their pupae. "We really should tell Catherine and the rest of the team about...this." Grissom mused. "Yeah," Sara replied. "She probably thinks you were one step away from being a nun and here you've knocked up your subordinate." She snickered. "You make it sound so romantic." "We have plenty of that. It sure was nice of Hildi to redo your living room before she left. It's very romantic, even if the felt walls are a little odd." Sara looked around at the transformed space. "Yeah, I hope the tarantulas don't shed. It's impractical." Grissom seemed irritated. "Still trying to figure out where you're going to put Nicky's bug?" "I hate to suggest the humane society, but I don't know if it's safe to have a six foot insect around a newborn." Grissom truly looked crestfallen that the thought of sending a bug to the pound. Sara nodded solemnly. They had a tough decision to make. If they gave away Nicky's friend the office politics would be unbearable. phagocytosic posted May 30,2002 4:55:49 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hey !" Gil stood up so fast, Sara jumped. "I know what to do. He started to look around the floor." "Where is it?!" "Where's what?!" "The phone book." "I saw it in the bathroom, when I was barfing in the toilet." Gil rushed into the bathroom. "Ah, here it is." He came back into the livingroom flicking through the pages. "I know I'm going to regret asking, but why was the phone book in the bathroom?" "Of course you're just a girl..., Gil could hear a low growling noise coming from Sara's direction...., I mean your just a wo..., the growling got louder, I mean your a female of the human species. We guys always take our time so we take something into the smallest room to read." "Gil, people usually take newspapers or magazines into......you know never mind, I don't want to know. Just promise you'll NEVER lend me your mobile phone." Gil sat down on the couch and ran his finger down one of the pages. "Ah here it is." He took out his mobile phone and dialed the number. He put the phone to his ear. "Hello, is this the Las Vegas Nanny College For Fallen Creatures? Yes? Good. I need to speak to the Principal. Thanks. He looked at Sara. "This guy owes me a favour. If we can get Nicky's insect registered as a nanny, we could employ it to take care of our little pupae." "You're joking right?" "Come on Sara, I'm an important person in Las Vegas, don't you think it'll look bad if I employed a non-registered nanny?" "Sure. The fact that it's got 2 antennae, 8 limbs a blue body and segmented torso, will mean nothing to them.... You know how your mother keep telling you that you weren't weird, everyone else was? Well she lied." "Hello Hannibal, it's Gil. Yes long time no see. So how's that woman in your life, what was her name? Oh ya Clarice. Good. Listen remember you owed me one after I gave you a reference for your job? Well I'm calling that favour in. Well....." Sara went into the kitchen.....she needed a drink. UnderTheWings posted May 30,2002 11:54:52 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, back in the Tahoe... Catherine had almost fallen asleep when she heard Warrick flick his Zippo into action. "What are you doing? I didn't even know you smoked cigarettes!" "Cigarettes? Who said anything about smokiong cigarettes?" Catherine's mother instinct leapt into action and just as she was about to grab the illegal substance out of Warrick's hand, the smoke hit her and instead of grabbing the joint, she grabbed his face. "Hey chocolate, wanna get high together?" Warrick, not a man of many words, leaned over and blew the carefully inhaled smoke back out into Catherine's mouth. UST, feeling over-worked due to its horrifyingly long work hours over in the vicinity of Agents Mulder and Scully, slid out the Tahoe window. "I've had enough. You can't use me like this. First Sara and Gil, and Mulder and Scully. What about MY feelings? Does anyone ever ask MY opinion? NO! They just assume that I will always be there to take care of them. That's IT! I'm calling my agent." As UST sped away in his AWKWARD-MOMENT-MOBILE Catherine and Warrick shifted away from each other to the opposite sides of the seat. sheepclone posted May 31,2002 12:11:13 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Luckily, RST happened to be speeding by, fresh from its recent appearance on ff.net. The 'Is It Hot in Here or is it Just Me?' mobile pulled up alongside the Tahoe, and oozed its sexy head out the window. "Well, hello there... " allthingsMSR posted May 31,2002 12:30:33 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, after parking the Awkward-Moment-Mobile, UST wafted through the window of a Las Vegas townhouse. It was always a familiar, happy place before. Now he felt cold and alone. He had become so accustomed to being needed. "Protein" expositions, sheet examinations, drunken co-worker induced phone calls...Now all that still happened, but RST had made Sara pregnant and the sheet examinations were done in an extracirricular capacity. It was too much to bear. UST broke down in silent, invisible tears. RST, fresh from a case, drifted into the room as well. "UST, man, what's wrong?" UST wiped his eyes and glared at RST in defiant anger. "You took THEM away from me!" RST hovered in silence for a moment. "I'm sorry. It was inevitable. Once he came up with that impressive beauty come-on..." "And now I don't...what? You mean you took them then?" Now it was RST's turn to look confused. "Yeah, when did you think...Oh, that's too hilarious. You've been working pro bono all this time?" "You know what? Forget you. I'm going to go see Liam and Nicky now. At least you won't take them from me. It IS CBS, after all." UST drifted...loudly...out the window. RST simply cackled. Season three was going to be fun. phxchic posted May 31,2002 12:48:56 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Skulking through the Labitrail, UST sniffled and sobbed, hurt and angry that his favorite couple had been stolen by his arch-nemesis, RST. He passed through a door and into an office and almost ran into a short, white blob. "Who are you? Is this your office?" "Not me!" the little inverted teardrop answered, sweeping past UST and drifting down the hall, leaving a trail of short, black dash marks. UST looked at the desk, discovering a nameplate for a Conrad Ecklie. "Nope, wrong place." UST turned back through the door into the Labitrail when something caught his eye... A young man, dressed in ragged Dockers and sneakers, wearing a Hawaiian shirt that looked like poi had been splattered all over it. "That's my man." UST ducked in the corner and closed his eyes. "Klaatu Borrata Nickto!" he chanted and slowly waved his hand in the direction of the young man. Liam's spine snapped up straight, his eyes wide. His face began to turn red, and his left eyebrow began to twitch. "That's better." Smiling to himself, UST happily skulked away... Meanwhile, back on the open road.... phagocytosic posted May 31,2002 12:04:10 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warrick and Catherine stared at each other. "I can't believe what we were about to do, Warrick." "Hmmmmm." "I mean WHAT WERE we about to do?" "I could demonstrate." POP!! Zzzzziiipppppp !! "I mean smoking is soooo bad for you. What would Lindsay say?" Catherine said, apparently unaware of Warrick's inner turmoil. "Oh. Yeah. Lindsay" Zzzzzziiiipppp !! Pop !! "Look, I think we should go looking for a petrol station." "Walk in the desert in the heat of the day, with no water? And you slate Nicky's IQ results? Aren't you a member of the, Hey. I'm Stuck In The Desert Rescue Service?" "Well I was but I've been barred." "Really, why?" "Well when I was a stripper, we used to call them on our days off as a dare." Thinking about what a stripper might dare another stripper to do with a mechanic raced through Warrick's mind. "What kind of things did you dare each other to do?" "Well it's difficult to describe......" "Well you could show me......." Warrick said hopefully. Pop!!! Zzzziiipppp!!!! "But would it get us out of the desert...?" Catherine said, apparently still unaware of Warrick's inner turmoil. Zzzziiiippppp !!! Pop !! "Guess not." "I know, I'll call Grissom." She got out her mobile phone and dialed the number. "Do you think he'll, come?" "Well, he has always come for me in the past." Warrick sat there dumbfounded. Warrick's suspicions were true, then. Grissom started the "Not Scoring - Becoming A Nun" office gossip himself. It was a shrewd move. Warrick guessed that this was b/c was so popular with the female species that if he took up every offer he wouldn't have anytime to actually get any work done. The gossip was his way of ensuring he could just pick and choose. Damn. Grissom was smarter than he thought. Catherine finished talking on the phone. "He's on his way, what shall we do while we wait? Hey I've just thought, we're two unattached healthly people - Grissom won't be here for half an hour...I know what we could do !!" "Really? Great!!" Pop !! Zzzziiiippp !!! "Yeah. Let's play I Spy !!" said Catherine apparently still unaware of Warrick's inner turmoil even thought it was now so strong, the jack rabbits outside Tahoe could feel the vibes. Zzzziiipppp !!! Pop !!! "Oh." "Come on it'll be really challenging to play it in the desert." "HuH...It wouldn't be the only challenging thing I've done today........." "Great !! said Catherine apparently unaware of Warrick's sarcastic tones. "Me first, me first..... I spy with my little eye something beginning with........... Jaden posted May 31,2002 1:50:45 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly the ground began to tremble. It shook the little vehicle as the trembling developed into a full earthquake. Ahead of her Catherine could see the earth cracking as deep crevices split the road coming towards them. "Warrick?" She turned to him, tears welling in her eyes. "Who will take care of my baby if we die?" she sobbed collapsing into his arms. Flashes of Lyndsey's laughing face surfaced in her mind. Eddie would destroy her innocence. Why couldn't she have married a better man, one with honor, one like... "Catherine." She looked up and what whe saw in Warricks eyes made her body tremble unaided by the quake. He pulled her closer and brushed the fine strands of auburn silk from her forhead. Gently his head lowered and his lips met her forehead. "Warrick?" He pulled back and gazed at her, his eyes fixed, intense, and horribly sad. "I will always regret never having the opportunity to love you." He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her. The crevice lurched forward with one last mighty shudder to claim the car. Catherine buried her head in his shoulder clutching on to him tightly. Just as the car began it's deadly decent into the canyon they were caught up in luminesent blue light. The last thing they remembered was looking into each others eyes before they lost conciousness. When they awoke they found themselves surrounded by Grissom, Sara, Nicky, the biggest alien insect they'd ever seen, a tall man hugging a redhead and two designers who were bound and gagged. "Are you allright?" Catherine turned to the sound of the voice. rain70 posted May 31,2002 6:09:30 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I...don't know. Wha...what happened??" Grissom opens small evidence baggie and removes a roach, of the non-insect variety. "Laced with PCP. Back to Betty Ford for you sweetheart." "It's not mine! Warrick!! Tell him!" Warrick decides it is better to lie than to look bad. "Homie don't do that shit." They all stare accusingly at Catherine. "Oh sure! Go ahead! Blame it on the ex-coke head stripper! I'm out of here!" Grissom and Mulder tackle her back down to the floor. "Sara, get the rope!" "Grissom, what the fuck are you doing?!" "Detox. You're going to have a little time out while we finish the nursery, MS. Potty Mouth!." "The WHAT?!" It takes all of them to tie her up, but eventually they succeed and deposit her on the couch next to the gagged and bound, red faced fat man. phagocytosic posted June 01,2002 5:39:29 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After dropping the prisoners off at the police station, the CSI agents dropped Catherine of at the Betty Ford Clinic. Sara: "Well that was a bit mean, Grissom." Grissom: "What ?" Sara: "Look I know you always say you're not a "people" person, that you have difficulty "judging" their moods and dealing with them but I always assumed that was just lack of confidence. But I think that this is proof that as usual, you're right." Grissom: "State your proof." Sara: "Well you said we'd be dropping Catherine off, I assumed that you were actually going to stop the Tahoe before dumping her." Grissom: "What makes you think I misjugded the situation?" Sara: "Oh I guess, her kicking thrashing before you opened the door made me a little suspicious. The muffled swearing from under her gag as you pushed her out, kind of clinched it." Grissom: "Oh. I'll apologise later." Sara: "Ever the optimist. I guess it'll give you something to say while she's standing over your broken, bleeding body, preparing to put your MagLite where the sun don't shine." Grissom shot Sara a worried glance. Grissom: "You don't think she'd hit a man wearing glasses, do you?" Sara: "Grissom, remember when you where relieved of duty and you said some mean things to her? Then she shot that stalker? Six times?" Grissom: "Yes, she saved my life." Sara: "Grissom, she was aimingat you!!" Grissom: "But she's a good shot, she didn't hit me." Sara: "Yeah. You fell over as she pulled the trigger. Boy was she pissed that day." Grissom decided not to think about it. He looked in the Tahoe mirror. Nicky had his right hand in the air. Grissom: "Nicky put your hand down. What do you want?" Nicky: "Well in all the excitement.....though you don't have to ....I mean it wouldn't be right unless everyone felt the same......" Grissom: "Nicky WHAT do you WANT!" Nicky: "I'm hungry." Grissom: "Is it completely impossible for you to control ANY of your bodily functions for more than an hour at a time!!?" Nicky frowned and looked at his feet. Nicky: "But it's been hours...." Grissom: "Alright, Alright. We'll stop at Macdonald's for a cheeseburger." Nicky: "Great! Can I have a Happy Meal? With fries? And a coke? They're giving away a toy with each Happy Meal. This week it's CSI week. There's a choice of a baggie of meat bullets or a mini burnt pig or corpse with removable innards or a free DNA test......" Everyone: "SHUT UP, NICKY." phagocytosic posted June 02,2002 05:41:01 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They all sat around the table at Macdonald's. Nicky was eating his burger and fries. He reached his hand into the bag. Nicky: "Cool, I got a body with removable parts !! It's sooo life like. Look it's got a liver, lungs, heart, stomach and intestine...wait, it's head's empty...That can't be right !" Warrick: "Your right man, it IS life like. In fact it's going to be difficult to tell the two of you apart....." Grissom looked at Sara. She was opening her Vegitarian Happy Meal bag. He congratulated himself. This time he'd got it right, this would get him brownie points for later. Sara peered into the bag with a confused look on her face. She reached her hand in and pulled out a bag of fries, a drink and....a carrot. The carrot had a label tied to the stalk. She gripped it with her free hand and read it: May contain nuts. She held it up and shot Grissom a stern look. He smiled at her across the table. Ah he thought, she loves me after all. Sara reached into her pocket and pulled out the biggest knife Grissom had ever seen. She held the carrot up in her left hand and while fixing her gaze on Grissom. Then in midair, sliced the carrot in half with the the knife. She smiled sarcastically. Grissom crossed his legs,put two fingers on his mouth and smiled weakly at her. Nicky's voice rang in his ears : Nicky: "Hey Gris, you gonna eat those fries?" Grissom: "Tell you what Nicky, you can have my fries AND my burger. Suddenly I don't fell very hungry anymore......" Nicky: "Cool!!" Mulder looked at Grissom then at Sara. He prided himself on being one of those rare males who was able to tell what people were thinking, at a glance. He was an FBI profiler, afterall. Hm, he thought they're having one of those Mulder/Scully "special moments". Time to pour some cold water on the situation. Afterall it wouldn't do to be barred from Macdonald's.......again. Mulder: "So what are we going to do now, guys? We still haven't found the spaceship and the alien..... Grissom and Scully together: "BUG, Mulder !!" Mulder:"ALIEN....is still with us." Grissom; "Wait let me get my notebook out...." Grissom stood up and started to search his pockets. "That's strange, I can't seem to find it." He started to empty his pockets onto the table."Let's see, Tahoe keys, wallet, pickle....he pulled out a small baggie, "Oh so that's were that went...... Sara grabbed the baggie off him and read the label. Sara: "Grissom this is the missing evidence from that murder case 3 months ago." Grissom: "Oh yeah, I'll have to hand it in when I get back." Sara: "Grissom, they shot the guy dead while he was trying to escape, two weeks ago." Grissom: "Oh really?" He took the baggie back. "Oh well." He screwed the baggie up and threw it behind him." Sara rolled her eyes. Grissom continued his search. Grissom: Let's see. Bug box, smarties, ribbed for your pleasure strawberry flavoured rubber gloves, 101 stupid things to say to worried or greiving relatives. Hey that's Brass's book, must have picked it up by mistake. Oh well. Anyway let's see what else, 101 stupid things to say when you have nothing else to say that makes sense, MagLite, he pulled out a little black book.......ah here it is." Grissom opened the note pad. "Wait some of the pages have been torn out. Oh No !!!!" Scully:"What?" Grissom:"Catherine must have gone through my pockets and taken it out, ripped out the important pages and put it back, without me realising." Scully:"She went through your trouser pockets while you were wearing them, without you realising? She must be a good pickpocket." Warrick: "No. He just wears "roomy" trousers. His trousers are so baggy we were thinking of running a book to see how many CSI agents we could fit in there with him and still fasten them up. Unfortunately it's been difficult getting any volunteers, other than Sara and his Tarantula, since the rumour that he goes commando, started circulating." Scully felt a cold shiver run up her spine. Grissom starting putting everything back into his pockets. Grissom;"Ok guys, back to the Betty Ford Clinic." They all ran out to the Tahoe. sheepclone posted June 02,2002 06:16:08 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As they all piled in, Nicky raised his hand again. Grissom sighed. "Yes?" "Yeah, um, can we stop by the video store and pick up It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World?" "We have no time for that nonsense, Nick. We have to go to the Betty Ford Center, find Catherine, find the missing pages from my book of things to say when you can't think of anything else to say, put Catherine back, get two deranged interior designers out of my apartment, get rid of my baggy pants, put UST and RST in their proper place, and then re-find the giant insect--" "Alien," said a voice from the back. Grissom growled. "Would everyone like to walk where we're going?" There was a collective groan from the back of the Tahoe. Sara finally spoke up. "Well, actually, we could walk, snookie. It is across the street." Grissom looked at her. "Yeah, but then we won't be able to make a dramatic getaway complete with screeching tires." She smiled back at him. "Ooh, up the production value, that would be exciting." "Well, let's decide, because right now we're progressing at about as much speed and purpose as my season finale," said the monotone seated next to the Redhead. Nick furrowed his brow. "Yeah, and I'd really like to find my dog. Come on, Warrick, back me up." "Sorry, Nick, I used up all my lines in McDonald's." allthingsMSR posted June 02,2002 2:33:01 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom looked exasperated. "Let's go." He pulled out of the McDonald's driveway and sped across two lanes to the other side. A sign marked Betty Ford Clinic greeted them. Pulling into a space he turned off the ignition. "Okay, we're here. Sara, Mulder, and Scully--you're with me. Nicky? You stay belted in. I'll leave the windows cracked...." He saw Sara beaming at him adoringly. "Warrick, you go stand over there by the tree." "Why?" Warrick said, without expression. Grissom considered this. "I have no idea." Turning to the others he exclaimed "Follow me!" They observed the extremely tight security at the main entrance. Faced with this dilemma they all stood and looked at each other. "Now what?" Sara asked. Mulder wore his "eureka!" face, which was the same as his other faces except for a perceptible upturn of one lip. "I have an idea!" He ran to the side of the building, the others in tow. Grissom and Sara looked on in shock as Mulder opened an unlocked side entrance. Scully didn't look surprised. They all ran up a staircase to the fourth floor. Because of time constraints they knew exactly where Catherine's room was located. Upon reaching it, Grissom knocked loudly. The door opened to reveal a pale, limp-haired Catherine. As this was nothing unusual Sara grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her out the door. "But my things?" Catherine looked back at her room frantically. Sara rolled her eyes. "You can just wear my clothes and use my hair-care products. You have been recently, anyways." They fled the building. It was now off to phase two of their operation. thejedikiller posted June 02,2002 11:27:04 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As they all piled into the now-relatively squished Tahoe, Gil's phone rang. Since he was driving, and had decided that with his deafness he really shouldn't add a brain tumor onto it, he turned it on speakerphone. "Grissom." "Hello, Gil. " "Oh, Hannibal. I forgot about our appointment." He shooed Nicky's hand away from the phone without thinking, because Nicky's habit of grabbing colourful objects was easy to predict. "Indeed. I was wondering whether you really wanted to keep these two so-called 'designers' in your lovely townhouse. I stopped by, and they started being rather rude to me." "Oh. Well--" Suddenly, a shrill voice from the background screamed, "Oh, god, please, don't eat his brain, it's bad for the decor..." Grissom cleared his throat. "Whatever happens to the decorators between now and the moment I step into my townhouse is none of my business, Hannibal." "Very good. Goodbye, Gil." The line went silent. Sara looked around at the solemn faces around her and said... sheepclone posted June 02,2002 11:52:06 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What's the difference between a sheep and a wool sweater?" When no one answered, Sara continued. "Mutton. Get it? Mutton!" Her laughter echoed throughout the otherwise silent Tahoe. Grissom eyed her suspiciously. "Can't you just crave ice cream and pickles?" "Maybe the alien is influencing her thoughts," said a voice from the back. Grissom just sighed heavily and continued to drive down the road. Finally, he asked, "I don't know where the hell I'm going... anyone know RST's address?" Catherine immediately spoke up. "Make a left at the next street." "Goddamit, Catherine, I said RST, not Hideous-Taste-in-Men!" phagocytosic posted June 03,2002 04:42:55 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom suddenly slammed on the brakes. A high pitched scream came from the back seat. Nicky: "MY MAN!! HE'S ALL OVER THE BACK SEAT!! OH, THE HUMANITY !!" Catherine peeled herself off the windscreen. Grissom: "You know, Catherine, you should really be wearing your seat belt. Catherine: "I AM WEARING MY SEATBELT!!" Said Catherine through gritted teeth. Grissom: "Oh." Look, I've just thought, where's Warrick?" Scully: "The last time I saw him he was leaning against a tree, back at the Betty Ford Clinic." Catherine: "Not again!" Catherine turned to Scully. "Grissom keeps leaving Warrick behind. Once when he and Warrick went to arrest a suspect with the police, he sent Warrick around to the back of the house so there would be someone there if the suspect tried to go out the back. The man was arrested in the house and they took him back to the police station. It wasn't until the end of the next ep that Grissom realised Warrick hadn't come back with them. When he went back to the house, he discovered Warrick in the back garden shouting,"COME ON GRISSOM, KICK DOWN THE DOOR !! I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN STANDING HERE ALL NIGHT !!". Then Grissom realised he'd forgotten to tell Warrick they'd made the bust. Grissom: "Come on Catherine, you can't expect me to keep track of everyone ALL the time. There are three of you, afterall." Catherine; "Grissom there are four of us......" Nicky: AHH!!! The brain, I can't find the brain.....!!" Catherine: "....Ok three and a half of us. And I've told before, it's in your job description." Sara: "Well it's too late now, we'll swing around and pick him up later. I think we should head back to the place where Mulder and Grisom saw the Bug...." Mulder: "Alien..." Nicky: "Dog...." Scully : "BUG!" Grissom turned the Tahoe around and headed out of the city. Mulder: "I have an idea...." Scully glared at him, but he carried on apparently unaware of Scully's irritation. Mulder:"Let's give the alien..." Scully: "Bug....." Nicky: "Dog...... Mulder:"Yeah......whatever. Let's give it a name. Then we won't argue everytime it is mentioned and it'll give us something to do on the journey." Nicky: "Aaawww.... I was hoping we would be playing "I Spy"....like Catherine and Warrick. Warrick told me that he'd been really close to winning. And that he and Catherine were really smokin'." Grissom looked at Catherine suspiciously. Catherine: "Er...ahem...maybe later, Nicky." Nicky: "OK. I know how about naming it Fido." Mulder: "No, No it must be something fitting to it's strange appearance, unusual lifestyle and weird behaviour." Scully: "Yeah. We could call it Fox." Said Scully sarcastically. Grissom fixed his gaze on the road ahead. It was going to be a long drive, for more reasons than just the distance. Maggrad posted June 03,2002 4:31:39 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "LET'S CALL HIM MR. FLUFFY!" Shouted Nicky. "Nicky," said Catherine sternly, "use your indoor voice." "let's call him mr. fluffy," Nicky said in a whisper. "Wha? That's, that..." Mulder stammered. Nicky was engrossed by something on the floor of the Tahoe. Mulder wanted to go into a treatise on why "Mr. Fluffy" was completely inappropriate as an alien name, but thought better of it. "Oh, what the hell. Mr. Fluffy," he surrendered. "HEY!" Yelled Nicky. "I mean, hey. I found the brain!" "Oh, Nicky," sighed Catherine and rolled her eyes. "That's not the brain. That's a chewed-up wad of gum." Suddenly, everyone was distracted by an audible thumping coming from the driver's seat. Grissom was banging his head on the steering wheel while trying to drive. "Grissom!" shouted Sara, "Look out!" There in the road was.... phagocytosic posted June 03,2002 6:36:53 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BANG!!! Grissom slammed on the brakes. The Tahoe screeched to a halt. They all sat there for a moment looking at Grissom. Scully: "What the hell did we hit?" Catherine peeled herself off the windscreen. Catherine: "I think it was the Sheriff." They all climbed out an ran back down the road. They all stood around the body in numbed silence. A familar voice behind Grissom said,"Wow that's gonna hurt in morning." They all turned around. Nicky: WARRICK !! It's so good to see you, man. He threw his arms around Warrick's neck. Warrick: Please Nicky, not in front of the Boss. Nicky put his arms at his side. "Oh yeah, sorry." Grissom: "How the hell did you get here." Warrick: "I ran." They all looked at him in disbelief. he shrugged his shoulders. "I've been working out." Everyone: "Oh." They all turned back to the body. Mulder: "Quick Scully, do mouth to mouth. Scully knelt down to tend to the dying man. "No not on him !!" Scully threw Mulder a glare. Mulder shrugged his shoulders. "Well it was worth a try." Scully stood up again and brushed herself down." Scully: "He's dead." Sara: "Well this looks like a job for the coroners, now. Hmm...large rubber tyre marks running up the entire length of his body. Extensive bruising. Licence plate shaped markings on his stomach. I'd say this man was hit by a large speeding vehicle." Catherine: "No kidding, Einstein." Grissom: "So what are the chances that he was already dead before we hit him?" Scully: "What?" Grissom: "Well I'm just thinking, this isn't going to look good on my resume....but if he was already dead, then I could probably hide it in the small print." Catherine: "Well that seems likely. How do you explain a dead body that can still run along a highway waving it's arms in the air and shouting, "Stop, stop I need help." Scully: "Huh. That's nothing, sister. You should be Mulder's partner for a while." Warrick: "Look guys times awastin'. Let's just bury him in that Kiddies Play Park and go...." Catherine: "Come on Warrick, bury him in a Kiddies Play Park? Isn't that a little far fetched." Grissom: "Wait a minute...Kiddies Play Park, in the middle of the desert!!?? Where?" Warrick: "Over there, beside that big sign that says, " Come And See The Kiddies Play Park In The Middle Of The Desert." Grissom: "Quick everyone back in the Tahoe. I think we just found what we've been looking for.They all headed back to the Tahoe except Sara and Grissom. Sara pointed down at the body. "What about him?" Grissom: "Go. I'll deal with him." Sara: "Oh I love it when you're masterful." She moved closer to him. "Shall we play Lady Heather when we go home?" Grissom smlied. "OK then but this time I want to be Lady Heather, the guys are starting to make fun of me in the shower." Sara walked back to the Tahoe. Grissom bent down and started to roll the body towards the gutter. Body: "You know I'm not actually dead, yet." Grissom: "Don't worry. In this desert heat, you soon will be." Then he gave the body a final push with his foot and ran back to the Tahoe......The body fell into the gutter with a thud. Body: "Ouch." Jaden posted June 03,2002 6:49:16 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Beyond that in the middle of the road... Standing in front of a large space craft stood the dancing-backwards-speaking midget doing la macarena, the newly dubbed Mr. Fluffy and the secret agent sign language using monkey dressed in a nurses uniform. Ahead of them a huge cargo bay door opened with some impressive blue lighting for effect. Out stepped the strangest alien they'd ever seen. "Jack Black?" the team gasped in unison. "We're all from planet whatever and we've come to find our leader. Our planet thrives upon his brain waves. If he doesn't return soon our world will implode." "We don't know what he looks like." Grissom said un aware of the glassy look in Mulders eyes. "Okay, Okay! I'll come home. Can't you do any thing without me?" Rose a voice from the back of the crowd. The team turned to see Nicky walking forward with a soda in his hand. "That must be a very small planet." Catherine whispered to Grissom. "Wait a minute!" Sara screamed. "That's not Nicky it's Warrick!" She said as she pulled the mask from his face. "And that's not a Pepsi! It's a Pepsi twist!" Screamed Scully as she wretched the can from his hand. Warrick turned to all of them. "Look, yo. I'm sick of all this UST RST DAL crap you guys have used to turn this show into the not-so-young but very restless. I'm goin' back to my crib. Oh and this could all have been avoided if you would have given me somemore screen time." He sauntered up the ramp whistling at the midget, monkey, alien-bug-dog to follow. "You comin'?" he looked back at the crowd. "I'm there." screamed Sara as she sprinted for the ramp. She wrapped her arms about Warrick waist. "Sara?" Grissom sobbed. "You're the only human I've ever loved. And what about the baby?" "Oh, it's Warricks" she said as she laid her head upon his shoulder. "Sorry man, you took too long." They waved their goodbyes as the ship rocketed off in a blinding red fire. "So Warrick was an alien all along?" asked Nicky. Grissom walked over to the poor boy and punched him square in the face. "Hey man!" they turned to see Jack Black coming out of the bushes. "They allready left." Scully told him. "Aw man! Now how am I gonna get home?" allthingsMSR posted June 03,2002 9:47:29 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Grissom!" Grissom's frown turned upside down as he recognized the voice. He wheeled around. "Sara?" She flew at him like a flying squirrel and they kissed for nearly a minute. Grissom, so relieved as to be out of character, broke the silence. "Is there chalk on my lips or are you just happy to see me?" Catherine coughed from behind them. Grissom ignored her and continued. "I thought you left on the ship." "And go with Warrick? Not a chance. I just took that as an opportunity to do some investigating." "Investigating?" Sara pulled a plastic bag out of her pocket. "Look what I found?" "Is that the dirt we found in Oregon?" Grissom asked, intrigued. "No way to tell for sure, but I tasted it and it seemed similar. There could be a link here. It could also explain Nicky's..." She trailed off as she saw Nicky looking at her. He was also hopping on one leg. "... dog." She finished. "Nick, do you have to go to the bathroom?" Sara was practicing her parenting. She just hoped that whatever apparently happened to Nicky as an infant didn't happen to little Gregor. Jack Black and Catherine took Nick to go behind a cactus. Sara returned her attention to Grissom. He looked as though his roach just won the Madagascar Derby. "How did you get off the ship?" "Good question. Ask me that again in the eighth season." They walked back to the Tahoe where the others were waiting for them. "Where are we going now?" He asked the group. "To the nearest convenience store. We're out of pull-ups." Catherine rolled her eyes and pointed at an abashed Nicky. "Ew." Sara said, pushing past them to get to the car. She knew Grissom kept pickles in the glove compartment and she was feeling a bit weak. "He sits in the back-back." Nicky stamped his feet. "I. Don't. Wanna!" Grissom sighed it was going to be a long drive. They still had work to do. "Okay guys, stop fighting. Now we have to..." Mush posted June 03,2002 10:53:05 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Oh my..." Scully said, interrupting Grissom. "Excuse me?" Grissom asked. "Look ahead." Grissom looked ahead. There was a snowstorm. In the desert. And a train. And a semi. All messed up in a gnarled up wreck. Out of no where, beeping alarms began to sound and a thumpy music began playing in the background. "Catherine! Stop lighting up in the car! No one else wants to get high! I've got a non-bug-miracle-baby to worry about here!" "Shut up! I'm not lighting up. I've got a 30-year-old-going-on-two to worry about back here! By the way, remind me to ask about the baby once we figure out what's going on out here." The scene in front of them was real. A couple of people in lab coats began running around and screaming stuff like "Clear!" and "Get him out of here!" and "What do you mean I have to do a double amputation while delivering breech septuplets?!?!?!" "We've got an Emmy to try to win, dammit! If you don't do it, Carter, she's gonna die! And her seven babies! Do you understand?!" Carter just stared blankly. "And Carter," the other doctor said, "We'll lose the Emmy! To some show about forensics! We can't let that happen! We're depending on you! Do. You. Understand?!" "Yes," the younger doctor--Carter--said. "But we're in the middle of a blizzard in the middle of the desert and the only thing I have is my pocket knife!" "Perfect! It's all about the drama! Can someone turn on some Enya or something?!?!" "Only Time" began blaring from the semi's stereo system as the crew began working in slow mo, screaming orders to one another without actually vocalizing anything, sweat beading off their brows in the midst of the freezing cold. "Oh my god!" Carter screamed. "It's not septuplets! It's octuplets!!" Grissom decided to find out what was going on. "Everyone stay in the Tahoe," he said. "I'm going to see what's happening here." "Can I go, pleeeeeeease?!" Nicky called from the back. "No, Nick." "'S'not fair!!!" Nicky screamed. "Nick Stokes, if you don't stop that, so help me you're going to be in time out when you get home!" Nick pouted and sniffled. Grissom, meanwhile, approached a doctor standing off to the side looking introspectively at all that was going on. "Gil Grissom," Gris said as he extended his hand to the man. "Mark Greene," the other man said. "So, what's going on here?" Grissom asked. "I'm dying," Mark said. "No, out here," Grissom said as he gestured to the frantic scene before him. "Oh, multiple trauma and casualty train wreck. Ran into a semi and a car," Mark said with a small smile on his face. "My crew will handle it." "That's, uh, nice," Grissom replied. "It's all about the drama," Mark said. "All. About. The. Drama. Hey, can we get some of that thumpy drum stuff added into the Enya? And how 'bout some more of those alarms?" Some guy in a lab coat nodded to Mark affirmatively. "I know drama," Grissom said. "I've just found out that I have otosclerosis and my un-girlfriend and I are about to have a non-bug-miracle-baby!" Grissom beamed. Mark Greene merely rolled his eyes. "You have otosclerosis?? Feh. I have a brain tumor. And I also have a druggy daughter who almost accidentally killed my baby daughter. AND I have a wife who hates her and is making me choose between my daughters. Beat THAT Bug Boy! I'm gonna win the Emmy. Nyah nyah nyah." Grissom trudged off back to the Tahoe. "We'll see about that," he muttered. "I've got the number two lab in the country!" Behind him, the alarms got louder, the screams got more shrill, and someone yelled something about Dr. Greene collapsing. Grissom got back in the Tahoe and turned around. UnderTheWings posted June 03,2002 11:26:02 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As Grissom was shutting the door of the Tahoe, an odd clanging noise was heard on the top of the vehicle. Mulder: Nobody move. It may be an alien life form come back to this planet to add Suspense. Scully: No, Mulder, you're wrong. Trust me, if this were Suspense's doing, there would be loud thumpy music, like the stuff coming from that blizzard over there. No, Suspense took off about a half page ago to have a beer, kick back, let loose the pants, such and such and so and so. What we have here is clearly the work of Insanity, which took over on this job a few pages back. Mulder: Are you coming on to me? Grissom: Would the two of you mental patients knock it off and give me a hand with this. Grissom, who had removed the fallen object from the roof of the Tahoe, was bringing what looked like a T.V. set into the vehicle with him. Once Mulder helped him set it up, the faint image of Warrick could be made out. A jingle ensued, as if they were seeing the beginning of a sitcom. Onto the screen came the words All Warrick, All the Time. Catherine: What!? He's not big enough for his own T.V. show!? What about me? What about my talent, my obvious chemistry with everything except those I'm supposed to have chemistry with? What am I to do? Meanwhile, Mr. Fluffy approached the vehicle, slowly, silently. phagocytosic posted June 04,2002 2:23:37 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom mumbled to himself angrily. "Emmy winners..HUH...I'll show them Emmy winners. Who does he think he is. He started the engine, threw the Tahoe into reverse, and put his foot hard dowm on the accelerator. Catherine peeled herself off the windscreen again and was about to give Grissom a piece of her mind, when: BANG !!! Nicky screamed. Sara jumped. Mulder kissed Scully. Scully slapped Mulder. There were pickles everywhere. Grissom looked at Catherine. Catherine: "You're amazing! We're in the middle of nowhere and yet you still find things to hit....Right everyone stay where they are. No Nicky, you can't! Put your hand down! Grissom and I will go and see what poor creature he hit this time." Grissom and Catherine got out and went around to the back of the Tahoe. Mr Fluffy lay crushed on the ground oozing orange blood. Catherine : "Do you think it's dead?" Grissom: "How the hell would I know, I'm a coroner not a doctor." Catherine: "But surely they taught you how to tell if someone was dead at unversity." Grissom: "It was an elective at univerity. An elective I elected not to do." Catherine: "A what." Grissom: "Look, they give you 22 compulsary subjects and a choice of 3 electives. I was supposed to pick 2 electives out the 3 choices they gave me." Catherine: "I know I'm going to regret this, but what did you choose?" Grissom: "Entomolgy For Geeks" and "How To Make Friends And Influence People". I failed one of them so I served on the football field to improve my Grades." Catherine: "No cigar for guessing which one you failed." Back in the Tahoe Sara turned to Scully. Sara: "Scully, you know how Grissom keeps saying that we have the second best lab? Well, who has the best? Is it at QUANTICO? Scully: "Yes." Sara: "How many labs are there?" Scully: "Two." Sara: "No I mean altogether in the whole country." Scully: "Two. There used to be more but this guy called William Petersen appealed to congress for more lab equipment. Congress decided it was too expensive so they closed all the labs except two, one civilian and one FBI, and split the equipment between the two." Sara: "Oh. So why is your lab better than ours?" Scully: "Well both labs ended up with exactly the same equipment but in the end they were left with 3 fridges to split. You guys got one we got two." Sara: "You mean you have the number one lab because you've got an extra fridge? That's ALL? An extra fridge ?!!" Mulder: "Don't knock it, at least I don't go to the fridge at lunchtime and find my sandwiches under a tuperware oozing out dated human blood." Nicky: "That's nothing. You should see the crickets and maggots." Scully: "Grissom puts crickets and maggots in the fridge? Doesn't that put him off his lunch?" Nicky: "Lady, the crickets and maggots ARE Grissom's lunch." Mulder: "See Scully and you thought I was weird. Things are looking up." Nicky: "Hey, has anyone seen Mr Fluffy?" Sara: "I think you might wanna save that question for Grissom, Nicky." Grissom and Catherine got back in the Tahoe. Grissom started to drive off. Nicky put his hand up. Grissom ignored him. Mush posted June 04,2002 3:06:08 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They were interrupted by the crew from the blizzard running at breakneck speed for Mr. Fluffy. Grissom cut them off. "No! This is my drama! You can't save him! He's dead! Now let me shed a tear over my dead bug! The Emmy is mine! Mwahahahaha!" Grissom said. Catherine and Nicky looked at him with sad eyes. "That's the spirit, guys!" "Grissom, you're scaring me," Catherine said. "Sorry," Grissom said. He cleared his throat. "I don't know what got into me." Nick was on the ground, cradling Mr. Fluffy's head in his lap. "Mr. Fluffy! You can't die! I love you!" Nicky said before bursting into tears. Mr. Fluffy began to glow as some string instruments began humming in the background. Grissom grinned in approval. "Iiiiiiii'llllllll bbeeeeeeee riiiiiiiiiiiight heeeeeeeere," Mr. Fluffy said as he touched the spot where Nick's heart is. Nick sniffled some more. And Mr. Fluffy closed his eyes. Nicky began sobbing. He turned to Grissom and stuck his tongue out. "I hate you! You killed him! Dog killer!" "Nick," Grissom said with his empathetic look, "it wasn't a dog. It was a bug." "Alien!" Mulder called from the Tahoe. Grissom merely rolled his eyes and waved his hand. He was sick of arguing with the Fibbie. He was beginning to wonder if they were all that exasperating. "I still hate you. I'll never trust you again! You big meanie!" Nicky screamed before turning over and kicking his feet and stomping his fists on the ground. Catherine walked over to him. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get back in the Tahoe so we can go home. Maybe when we get home, we can get you a fish or something." "O-o-o-kay" Nick sniffled as Catherine led him back to the car. When Grissom paused a moment to look introspectively at the bug and the orange goo that was disappearing before his very eyes, he shed a tear, but he didn't know if it was from his allergies or emotions. He turned back to the Tahoe and climbed in the driver's seat. Sara was turned around, slapping hands with Scully. "Sara, dear, what are you doing?" Grissom asked before starting the engine. "Oh, since Dana and I have the 'Knocked-Up Club,' we decided that we needed a secret handshake," Sara beamed. "Hey! Can I join the club?!" Catherine asked. "Uh, Cath, you have to be pregnant," Sara said. "I am! I wanna be in the club!" "What?" Grissom said. "I'm pregnant. Warrick and I were gonna tell you eventually, but since he's off starring on his own cable network, I guess I qualify for the club," Catherine said. "Office politics," Grissom muttered as he drove back toward Las Vegas... sorcha mise posted June 04,2002 3:41:42 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The speaker phone in the Tahoe rang again. "This is President Bartlet. I'm owed an Emmy from last year when I cursed God in Latin. So it's mine this year, bug-boy and tumor-head." click Mush posted June 04,2002 3:49:54 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The speaker phone rang yet AGAIN. "Grissom," Grissom said. "Is stupid!" yelled Nick from the backseat. "Nick Stokes!" Catherine turned around and chastised him. "Hello. This is Tony Soprano. And even though I'm not in the running, I'm still gonna kick all yous guys' asses. It's mine, dammit. And if it's not, beware. I know people in both Las Vegas AND Chicago. The mob's still got connections ya know." Sara hung the phone up before he could finish. "Gris, you've gotta get a new number," she said. "I was only kidding when I suggested 1-800-GRISSOM." sorcha mise posted June 04,2002 3:56:48 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ring "Do I have to remind you people I'm in charge of the FBI, and therefore I can have organized crime investigated, those two agents' travel budgets cut off, AND I can call out the armed forces? Leo! Get me the Joint Chiefs and the Department of Justice!" click "Just turn the phone off!" came a chorus. sheepclone posted June 04,2002 4:03:38 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, the sky turned dark and a cloud cover crept over the city. Lighting struck, and somewhere a baby cried out. Thunder lulled in the distance. "Grissom?" He glanced over at Sara. "Your inner monologue narration for this scene is kind of lacking something. Could you maybe ... step it up a bit?" He cocked his head, thinking. Suddenly, the sky turned a deep crimson, and blood gushed out from a raincloud. Hail stormed down onto the road, and somewhere a cat meowed. ("I said step it up.") Somewhere a lion roared. ("Better.") What was the cause of all this chaos? Was the world coming to an end? Was this Judgement Day for all of us?? "Actually, I think I know..." the monotone spoke. "Look!" They all glanced over to the side of the road. Oh my God! Wait, I should speak aloud at this point. "Oh, my God!" exclaimed Grissom. "The world is coming to an end!" Catherine stared out, bewildered. "It's RST..." "And UST..." Sara added. Oh. I'm on again, okay. Had it really come to this?? There they were, on the side of the road -- ignoring the flow of blood -- skipping along together, and holding hands! Jaden posted June 04,2002 5:56:13 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom woke in a cold sweat. He tried to slow his breathing but the images kept flashing in his mind. He looked around at the dark grey walls of his office. That's the last time I ever fall asleep watching the X-Files He thought to himself. He became increasingly aware of another presence in the room. "Grissom?"a gentle voice chimed as he turned, eyes straining to focus on the speaker. "Lily?" Grissom whispered in shock. He sat up and looked at the blond woman a moment before wrapping her in a warm embrace. "What are you doing here?" He laughed as he pulled back to make sure she was really there. "I got your message." she shrugged. "I didn't mean for you to come all the way to Vegas." Grissom said rubbing the back of his neck. "I know what mom went through when she lost her hearing and I wasn't about to leave you here to deal with this alone." "First of all I'm not alone, second it's treatable." "Unless, ofcourse, you have the same complications she did." "I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm...I'm just glad you're here." He hugged her again. The door swung open. "Gris, they just got the DNA anaylsis back and..." Sara looked up in surprise. "Oh my...I'm, I'm sorry." she stammered backing out of the room. "Sara, wait!" he called after her. He started for the door and stopped turning back to Lily. "Could you just, gimme a minute?" and was given a nod. He ran into the hall looking for Sara. He glanced in the lab and did a double-take at what he saw. Nicky was sitting on top of the examination table feeding Cheetos to a creature that could only be desribed as an alien-bug-dog. He shook his head trying to clear his mind. It was just a dream, he shrugged it off continuing his search for Sara. Just turned the corner to see her heading towards the parking lot. "Sara, wait! She's my sister!" He screamed as two men grabbed him from behind. "What's going on here?" he asked indignately. "You Gil Grissom?" the taller of the two asked. "Yes, but.." "You're under arrest for a hit and run killing a man in the desert yesterday." "Huh? But that was just a dream." He interjected. "Sorry, Gris." He turned to see Warrick leaning against a door frame. "I just couldn't let you get away with it." Suddenly he remembered an explosion. It hadn't been a dream after all. I must have amnesia. "Man, quit talking to yourself. You'll do anything to keep me from getting screen time." "Who did I hit?" Grissom inquired solemly. "Eminem." thejedikiller posted June 04,2002 10:18:12 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, from some hall in the Labitrail, Sara returned and peered at Gil closely. She ignored the men in suits and Warrick looking smug and said, "Wait a minute. Your sister?" Gil nodded. "My sister." Sara seemed introspective for a moment before replying, "And people say *I* need to get out more." phagocytosic posted June 05,2002 10:58:41 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine walked along the corrider towards Gil's office. She stopped and knocked on the door. No answer. She opened the door slowly.. Catherine: "Hello..Are you in there Gil?. No answer. Good, she thought. She looked around the corrider, then when she was sure no-one was watching, she slipped in and closed the door behind her. She rubbed her hands together. This was going to be easier than she thought. She approached Grissom's desk and put her briefcase on his chair. She opened the briefcase and took a pile of papers and files. She put these into his "IN" tray. She then closed the briefcase and looked through the cases he had on his desk. She picked out one at random briefly read it then put it in her pocket. Then she went over to the door, opened it a crack and put her head out to check if the coast was clear. She left the room and turned round to close the door gently. As she turned back to walk away, she careered straight into Grissom. He looked at her suspiciously. Grissom: "Hi." Catherine: "I was just getting my next case." Grissom: "Did you tidy while you were there?" Catherine: "Sorry did I overstep?" Grissom just looked at her. Catherine: "Look there was a little girl killed a a fairground. I need to act quickly. These guys always just pull stakes and move on before we get the chance to investigate." Grissom: "OK. Catherine." He walked past her into his office, shaking his head. As soon as she turned the corner she smiled. Catherine thought - so you think you can deal with the work load easily !!!? Can't figure out how I can't deal with my smaller work load, a small child and then complain that I have no man in my life...Eh? Well let's how you deal with my work load too and still juggle your personal life, you big banana!!! First she'd told Sara Grissom had wanted to see her. Was it Catherine's fault if Grissom happened to be "bonding" with his gorgeous bombshell of a sister at the time? As she walked along the corrider she saw Warrick standing in the lab doorway. She went over to him and smiled as she ground her stiletto heel into his right foot. Warrick: "AARGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!! As she walked off, Warrick hopped around in the background. They were going to rue the day they hired her. She turning over a new leaf. It was going to be "No More Ms Nice Girl". If they thought she was mean to the guys before, then they were in for a shock. As the coroner walked past her she kicked one of his crutches out from under him. She heard a dull thud behind her. As Catherine walked to the staff room, she could feel the hormones raging around her body. Catherine: "Being pregnant is going to be more fun that I thought", she said to herself. Maggrad posted June 05,2002 2:11:51 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Outside, Liam had overheard about Gil's hit and run. "Eminem?!" Liam cried. "You killed Eminem! You Bastard! It, it feels so empty without him." Warrick smacked Liam in the back of the head. "That's too many pop culture references in one shot, spaz boy. Knock it off," Warrick commanded. "Besides, you need to go back to the lab. If you're on screen, that means I've got even less face time. Go help Nicky feed the bug dog. Oh, and watch out for Catherine. I got a bad feeling about her lately." sheepclone posted June 05,2002 2:24:03 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Warrick walked past a lab and caught his reflection in the glass. "Heeeeeeey." He struck a pose. "You're a damn good-lookin' man. You've got this whole... Lenny Kravitz thing goin' on--" His vanity fair was broken by a disturbance at the end of the hall. A loud crashing was heard, just before someone -- was it Sara? -- yelled, "Sister?!?!?! You said she was your SISTER!!" Someone whimpered a response. "She is, I swear. I don't touch people who aren't related to me. You of all people should know that." Jaden posted June 05,2002 2:43:31 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, the men in suits were racing up the hall chasing Grissom. "Man that guys is faster than he looks." The taller one said. "It must be the bowlegged thing." the other helped. "Pssst, Gris." a whisper sounded as he turned the corner. "In here!" Before the men in suits caught up in time, the door closed with Grissom safely inside. "Thanks whoever you are." He said into the dark room. A hand brushed gently across his cheek before he felt the pressure of someone's lips upon his. "Sara..." A match struck, illuminating the room. He was face to face with Jack Black. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Both men screamed as they spat in opposite corners of the supply closet. "Shhhhhh!" two voices chided them. Grissom looked around to see both Lily and Sara giving them a stern look. "Why the hell did you kiss me?" He directed at the funny man who was gargling with Windex. "Oh, that, I thought I was kissing your sister. She's hot man." He looked over and growled at the pretty blond woman who rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, I know." Grissom whispered. "Damn, blood ties." Sara walked over and put her arms around Gris's neck. "There's something we need to tell you." She gestured to an upturned bucket where Grissom took a seat. "The man we know as Eminem was the ruler of a solar system inside the Orion Nebula. He came to earth to destroy the planet." Grissom noticed Jack nodding furiously in agreement. "The men chasing you are Warricks goons. His planet and Slim's have been involved in an on going war concerning earth." "They think Slim's energy passed to you and they want to kill you before he has the chance to use you to blow up the world. Jack is a rebel and knows how to surgically remove the rapper from your brain but you only have 48 hours before the virus takes over." He looked over in time to see the man get slapped in the face for grabbing Lily's knee. "No way am I letting that man near me with a knife." They all jumped as the door opened. Who could it be but... allthingsMSR posted June 05,2002 2:51:01 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The door opened again and Grissom and Sara continued their previous conversation. "I did know that, until you knocked me up! Remember the X plot? I feel like my life has no continuity anymore!" Sara screamed. Grissom's now completely confused expression softened Sara. She continued. "I'm sorry. It's just...you had me at the Plant..." She broke into tears. Maybe it was the hormones. If she was indeed pregnant. Grissom spoke. "I told you before, Sara, you're the only human I've ever loved. You have to believe that." He hugged her gently. "Never doubt that." Sara sniffled. "Maybe tonight..." Grissom looked at her, intrigued. "What?" "We could do some algebraic proofs. For fun." "Are you sure you want to? We were just fighting..." "Can you think of a better way to make up?" Sara waggled. "I'll bring the paper." Maggrad posted June 05,2002 3:32:39 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Liam was wandering the Labitrail, looking for Nicky and Mr. Fluffy. As he bounced into the breakroom, he tripped over an unconscious Nicky. Mr. Fluffy was talking to Catherine. "Phoooooonnnnne Hoooooommmmmme." And Catherine was eating everyone else's lunches, standing on the table and yelling, "Please stand up, please stand up!" She stopped short when she saw Liam. Liam looked blankly at Mr.Fluffy and Catherine, then shrugged. He kicked Nicky out of the way, and asked, "Is there any food left? I ate all my Cup O' Noodles at the beginning of my shift." "Yeah," Catherine shot back nastily. "There's more food, but you can't have it. It's mine. I'm pregnant and I'm going to eat it all." She jumped down from the table. "Whatever," replied Liam. "I'll drink the coffee. You shouldn't have the caffeine." He crossed the break room and picked up the coffee pot. His coffee pot. Catherine winged a half-eaten sandwich at him. "Damn you! Damn you and your coffee!" Liam picked up the sandwich and began eating it. Mr. Fluffy interrupted. "PHOOOOOOONNNNNNNE HOOOOOOOMMMMME." "Ah, yes," replied Catherine. "Yes, Mr. Fluffy, we do have some business to take care of." "Hey, Cat," Liam asked, "Why is Nicky unconcious anyway?" Catherine winged a coffee mug at the back of his head, knocking him out cold, and spilling the entire pot of coffee on the floor. She cackled loudly and grabbed Mr. Fluffy. They had things to do. washdcchick posted June 05,2002 3:43:59 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alas, poor Warrick. He knocks up Catherine, and he still can't get a storyline... Jaden posted June 05,2002 4:09:05 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There in the hallway stood Warrick. Jack Black shivered like a leaf. "Uh, hi boss." He managed as he hid behind Lily for protection. "Warrick, listen I'm not going to blow up the..." "Shut up! You think I care about the world anymore?" He said yanking Grissom out of the closet. "You give me zero screen time, Sara tears out my heart by making me believe she loved me just to get evidence, and Catherine, she's having my baby by imaculate conception." "Dude, that sucks." Piped up Jack who quickly hid again after recieving an evil glare from Warrick. "Yo, get these people to the car!" He hollered at the men in suits. "You're just going to let the planet be destroyed?" Sara asked angrily tears weling up in her eyes. "Yep, first I'm gonna let Ol' Gris here turn into slim shady and go full Matrix on this dump and then I'm gonna kill 'em." He spat. "I thought you were a decent person Warrick." Grissom said in dissapointment. "I was," He shot a look at Sara,"until someone taught me not to trust." As they led Grissom, Sara, Jack Black, and Lily out to their car, Warrick couldn't help but stare at the pretty blond woman. He noticed her lose her footing and caught her before she fell. "You okay?" He asked looking into the most beautiful violet eyes he'd ever seen. Lily was overcome with amazment as she looked back at him. "I'm, I'm ...fine." She breathed still wrapped in his arms. "Ahem." Jack interupted. He pulled Lily to her feet, taking her arm he led her to the car door. "Sorry you had to be mixed up in all this nonsense." He kissed her hand and closed the car door. They couldn't see through the windows of the CSI, a seething Catherine duct taping Mr. Fluffy to a bike. "Come on little guy. We've got some business to deal with." She cackled. UnderTheWings posted June 05,2002 7:56:14 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lily watched as Warrick walked away from the vehicle. Damn, She thought to herself, He's fiiiiinnnnne. MMHMM!! Sara: Isn't he though? Lily: You can read my thoughts? No one's been able to do that since I was seven years old. Sara: I know. I remember because, I was there. I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You're my twin sister, you fake blond! How did you end up a part of Grissom's family? Lily: I ran away from home, remember. Well, I joined the circus and ended up travelling aimlessly across America. I was still so young, and then one day I saw what looked like an alien/bug/dog, and I followed it. When it lost me, I discovered myself in the backyard of an orphanage, where I stayed until I was adopted by the Grissom's. Sara: Lily, I don't believe you. I think this is all an elaborate plot to steal Grissom away from me. Lily: Who is that man beside you Sara? Mulder: Special Agent Fox Mulder. Lily: Fuzz Moldy? Mulder: Are you coming onto me? Maggrad posted June 05,2002 11:28:25 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, in Grissom's office... Warrick sat in Gris' chair and put his feet up on the desk. He noticed the TV on the wheeled stand over in the corner, found the remote and switched it on to channel 78 -- All Warrick, All the Time. He leaned back in his chair and watched himself lean back on tv. Yeah, being supreme leader of an alien world sure was sweet, he thought. He couldn't remember why he even came to Earth in the first place. "Actually," he said aloud for the benefit of those watching at home, "I probably ought to be heading back soon. I mean, Gris is gonna go Matrix on this dump of a planet any time now, and I should get Cath back home. I don't want my immaculately conceived child born on Earth. It'll be a bitch establishing its citizenship back home." He looked around. "Where are Catherine and Mr. Fluffy anyway?" thejedikiller posted June 06,2002 12:00:45 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine and Mr. Fluffy, dusty and dirty, crawled slowly through the air ducts over the halls of the Labitrail. She stopped over Liam's lab and peered closely at the now-empty computer station and began to laugh maniacally. Mr. Fluffy cocked his head quizzically. "Laaaauuugghhh?" he asked. "That's right, my bug-dog-alien friend," Catherine replied between evil chuckles. "Try it." "Mwahhhhh. Haaahhhhh." Mr. Fluffy blinked. "Good." She moved the ceiling panel and slid down from the air duct into the lab. She moved Liam's mouse to get rid of the Britney Spears screensaver, then began typing in a code at the speed of light. Suddenly, the cold muzzle of a gun rested on the back of her neck. A low voice drawled behind her, "Where is Noel Roooaaarrrr?" Catherine whirled the chair around to come face-to-face with a handsomely rugged man in a suit. His free hand held up an FBI id badge. "John Doggett, FBI. Answer me." "Mwaaaahh. Haaaaahhh." From the duct, Mr. Fluffy jumped and fell on the FBI agent. Before Catherine could grab her own gun, Doggett had wrestled Mr. Fluffy under him and had the gun pressed firmly between the bug-dog-alien's tiny eyes. "Say goodnight, you bastard," growled Doggett. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Nick, disheveled and wearing only underoos, as he threw himself on Doggett. "Leave my dog alone!!!!!!" Catherine grabbed the data cd from the computer's hard drive, laughed evilly, and slithered back up into the air ducts before anyone could catch her. phagocytosic posted June 06,2002 10:24:46 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lily: "Hey this is a big one." Warrick: "Well, we aim to please..." Sara: "She's talking about the car, Warrick." Warrick: "Oh. Wait. How do you know what she's thinking?" Sara: "I've discovered I can read minds." Sara turned to Mulder and slapped him across the face. Warrick: "Cool! Tell us what everyone in the car is thinking!!" Sara: "Hmm. Ok I'll give it a try." "Lily is thinking what a looser you are and how cute Mulder is." "I'm thinking what a looser and you are and how cute Grissom is." "You're thinking how cute you are and what a looser Mulder is." Jack Black is thinking what a load of loosers we ALL are, except Warrick who's quite cute." Jack Black looked at Warrick and smiled, Warrick moved seats. "Grissom's thinking, "Did I remember to put the lid back on the Trantula tank this morning?" Warrick: "That is sooo cool! Can you do it from a distance?" Sara: "Pardon?" Warrick: "Tell us what Nicky's thinking." Sara: "OK I'll try." Sara closed her eyes and concentrated. "Nicky's thinking, "Where's Mr Fluffy? Where's everyone else? Why am I all alone again? I need to pee." Grissom rolled his eyes. Warrick "OK OK. Here's a hard one." Sara: "I told you Warrick, Grissom's the only man for me." Warrick: "No, not that. Tell us what Catherine's thinking." Sara: "OK. I'll try. Catherine's thinking.......... Jaden posted June 06,2002 2:08:11 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm gonna get that two-timing main charcter wannabe! Hey, do I smell peanut butter and jelly? Meanwhile back in the car Lily and Sara were reminicing about their childhood as Grissom squirmed uncomfortably beside them. "Hey man, sisters!" Jack arched his eyebrows at Grissom. "You are an idiot." he said flatly. Looking back at the women he felt his stomah lurch. If Lily was his sister and Sara was her sister... "You aren't blood related baby." Sara reassured him. He forgot she could read minds. I love you my little aloe.He told her telepathically. Oh, shut up! apparently the driver could read minds too. The car screeched to a stop. "Everybody out!" the taller goon shouted. As the little group filed out of the car he aimed his gun at Sara. "What! I thought you were going to keep us alive to destroy the planet!" Sara began to sob as gris hugged her for comfort. "Just the bowlegged guy. The rest of you are useless." Just then a strange white strand came out of nowhere ripping the gun from the mans hand. A masked man dressed in blue and red swung in on a silk rope and proceeded to royally kick the crud out of the men in suits. "Peter?" Grissom said in astonishment. "Hold up a second Dad." He spun a web around the bad guys and threw them in the trunk. "Dad?" Sara said in disbelief. "Suddenly she thought of her own child. "From my hippie days." Grissom shrugged. He directed his attention back to the young man practicing his gymnastics. "I haven't seen you since you moved in with your aunt and uncle." "Don't think that didn't leave some emotional scars. Right now we've got to get you to a doctor and get that little blond guy out of your brain." "How did you know about that?" Mulder asked. "I can read minds too." He admitted. "Dude, that is awesome!!!" Jack said recieving another slap for pinching Lily. sorcha mise posted June 06,2002 9:44:43 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ahem. I wish to announce that this next post is jointly the fault, er, whatever of myself and phxchic Turning away from the guy in the leotard, Mulder asked suddenly, "Scully, is it just me, or has this guy Nicky gotten dumber all along? Think we're too close to Area 51?" "That's ridiculous, Mulder, nothing could explain his regression. And his friends don't seem to have noticed any difference." "Exactly. There's something affecting everyone." "I don't know, Mulder. Are you feeling the urge to buy a waterbed?" "No, I had a really bad day when my last one sprung a leak." "So it's affecting them and not us? How?" "Chronic exposure, Scully, combined with all the chemicals they use in their work, and maybe the neon from the Strip." "Mulder, there is no scientific evidence that neon has a negative effect upon synapse firing..." "You've never been to a strip club, Scully, have you?" "What? No, Mulder, I haven't. What does such an establishment have to do with neon and Area 51?" "The point is, Scully, something is turning theoretically rational, intelligent people into Drooling Idiots and Those Who Enable Them." "But, neon? I think the answer here is more obvious." "And that would be...?" "Well, this Warrick is acting on a deep set grudge against these people, and in delusional fantasy, believes he is taking over the world. He's drugged his coworkers as part of his delusion." "Ah, but what kind of drugs? Where would such powerful psychoactive compounds come from, that would act that way on such people?" "I'm not sure. I can rule out hallucinogens and related medications. My guess would be a barbituate, easily obtained from a pharmacy in the form of a pain reliever, or recovered in a recent drug arrest." "Oh, come ON, Scully. What happened to you the last time you were in Vegas, huh? Remember?" "Actually, no, I don't." "That's my point! Just like I don't remember that time in Baltimore in '89!" "Mulder! That's it! What's the common denominator?" Just then (as if on cue) an old VW van crashed into the car with a screech of tires. Three men and one woman jumped out. "Mulder! Scully! We've been looking all over for you guys! Suzanne here thinks they've continued her work into mind-control chemicals!" thejedikiller posted June 07,2002 12:19:45 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mulder looked at Byers quizzically. "Who's Suzanne? I don't remember a Suzanne." Frohike reached up and smacked him across the forehead. "Dumbass," he muttered. Scully reached down and smacked Frohike upside the ear. "Dumbass," she muttered. Suzanne reached over and smacked Langley on the nose. "Dumbass geek," she muttered. "I'm Suzanne." "Oh, hey, I remember you," started Scully. Then, she remembered the circumstances under which they met, turned a bright shade of tomato red, and stared at her expensive shoes. Mulder shrugged. "I remember nothing. I think it's part of this whole regressional neural synapse crap Scully here was spewing out." "Whatever. I think there's someone on the inside of this whole drugging thing. Someone important enough not to suspect, yet with alot of access. They might be working for the government." "Er, Suzanne? Everyone here works for the government," Byers told her. "Oh. Well, I meant the shadow government and you know it." Meanwhile, back in the Labitrail, Catherine swayed toward the half-unconscious Agent Doggett, who was inconveniently tied to a chair. "Would you like some water?" "Mmph," was the reply. "Here, sweet cheeks." She raised the glass to the man's lips, and he drank thirstily. "Better?" "Thanks." He paused for a minute, then looked her in the eye. "By the way,the drugs won't work on me." "And why not?" Catherine was surprised. "Because I'm on anti-psychotics as it is. I need that kind of medication to put up with this chick I work with. Awful hair." Catherine shrugged, put the glass back on the table and punched Doggett squarely in the eye. He slumped over, unconscious. "Now, Nick, do you see what I mean? People are dangerous. You have to be careful, and listen to what your friend Cat has to say to you." Nick nodded slowly. "Yes, Cat." "Good boy." Catherine, for the second time that day, began to laugh evilly. Jaden posted June 07,2002 04:38:33 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Where the hell did all of these people come from?" Grissom looked around at the strange group of people. "We've gotta get out of here." Lily whispered to Sara who nodded in agreement. They quickly tiptoed to the VW van motioning for the rest of their crew to follow. Sara took the drivers seat and stomped on the gas leaving their companions with the monotoned voices behind in a cloud of dust. The young man dressed in the spider outfit turned to Sara. "Why did you steal this van when we could have taken that Jaguar you guys were in?" Sara looked at him and shrugged. "My parents were hippies so I've alot of experience driving these things. You'd be surprised what they can do." She added. "I usually travel by swinging from building to building on a thread of silk. I save a fortune on gas money." "Pete," Grissom coughed. "I think it's about time you found out...you're going to be a big brother." The boys eyes got huge though no one could tell with the mask he was wearing. "Will you leave me alone you digusting creep!!!" Lily screamed from the back. "Come on baby, this is our love mobile." Jack whined. "CSI up ahead!" Grissom screamed "Stop!" Sara though confused, turned into the parking lot and they vaulted from the van. "Let's find Nick." Grissom grabed Sara by the arm. "Nick? Why?" He stopped in front of the building and turned Sara to face him. "He's got that alien-bug-dog with him, and I have a feeling it's the answer to this whole puzzle." "You can't go back in there! Warrick will kill you!" The sun was setting behind them letting soft amber lighting filter though their hair. Grissom looked deeply into her eyes. She took in everything. The way the wind teased the dark locks across his dusky skin, the way the dying sun revealed gold flecks in his azure eyes, he stood there letting the mellow drama seep in. "I've got to do what is right. To save you and our little one." He looked off at nothing in particular his eyes glassy. "To save the world." "Oh, Grissom!" She threw her arms about his neck and they shared the most passionate sappy kiss in history. Sara pulled back with an odd expression flitting across her countenence. "Did you have Italian for lunch?" Before he could answer a loud rumble halted further conversation. There, coming staight for them on a gigantic Harley, cackling like a banchee, hair flying wildly, was a demented Catherine... Duct taped to the front, was the terrified Mr. Fluffy, his screams inaudible over the roar of the engine. Or maybe it was just Gil's hearing. Eolivet posted June 07,2002 12:04:48 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom matter of factly stood in front of Catherine's motorcycle, so the small part of humanity left within her caused her to her the brakes and skid sharply to the left. He then walked over and freed Mr. Fluffy, who ambled slowly back toward the lab, before attempting to beat up on Catherine. The rest of the crew, including Sara, watched in amazement. "Grissom, what are you doing??" she asked in shocked disbelief. "What the f*** do you think I'm doing, b***? I'm beating the s*** out of this stripper--" "Exotic dancer!" protested Catherine. "'cause the man on the phone said beating up a stripper--" "Exotic dancer!" -- and swearing a lot would get me an Emmy. So why don't you all just mind your own g*dd*** business and get the f*** out of my way," he continued, turning his attention back to Catherine. "But why would you do that, Grissom?" Sara asked, tearfully, because the script had to show that she was emotional in the most obvious way possible, which was through tears. He stopped and turned to her, the profanity clearing from his voice. "I'm doing this for us, Sara. For our relationship. An Emmy has the power to cause writers to run out of ideas. Then they resort to things they swore they never would, like a romance between two of the main characters." "Then we could get married in Fenway Park and I could wear your dead mother's wedding dress!" Sara exclaimed. As Grissom and Sara began to plan all of the wonderful contrived plot devices they could accomplish with an Emmy, they didn't notice Catherine's nose had started to bleed, even though that was the one place where Grissom hadn't attempted to hit her... RedScouser posted June 07,2002 12:28:29 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back in the coffee room, Liam awoke to find a brooding dark-haired man inches from his face. "Nicky, how long have I been out-...wait a minute - who the hell are you?", he said, noticing that the man had only one arm. "The names Alex, and I need you to do something for me." "Listen, man, I've already told you, I'm not doing any more of that stuff. I mean, there's a big age gap here, and I think I should concentrate more on people my own age-" But Alex halted him in his tracks, "No, Liam, nothing like that. Listen carefully to what I tell you. Your boss Gil Grissom is soon going to show evidence of being possessed by Eminem. Well, we have our own strategy to combat this..." "Yeah, what's that then?" "Well, basically, I need your help in imbuing Nick Stokes with the spirit of Jennifer Lopez. That sassy talking babe is a more than sufficient match for Mr Mathers". "Jennifer Lopez, huh? Hmm, what I wouldn't do for a one-on-one with her", replied Liam, liking this idea very much. But Alex looked confused. "J Lo? But, man, aren't you...you know, don't you face the other way?" "Heh, it's Tuesday!" Maggrad posted June 07,2002 12:32:02 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile, back in the parking lot, Catherine started shrieking, "Why won't you let me be? Let me be me? So let's just see..." And then she gave Grissom a roundhouse kick to the head. He flew backwards and hit the ground with a sickening thump. Sara cried out and ran over to him, as did Lily. Catherine cackled again, wiped the blood from her nose and said, "Two trailer park girls go round the outside." At this point, Warrick emerged from CSI. "Daaaamn." He breathed. "It's been you all along, hasn't it Cat? You're not pregnant with my immaculately conceived child. SLIM SHADY IS IN YOU!" Everyone stared at Warrick, then at Catherine. Jack Black got slapped again by both Sara and Lily. Mr. Fluffy tapped Warrick's shoulder. "Gooo Hoooome?" he asked hopefully. Catherine laughed maniacally again and said... RedScouser posted June 07,2002 12:47:07 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady, all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating, so won't the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?" Grissom felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, "Oh Catherine, that's not really you, don't you know? There must be a little bit of you left inside there!" And Catherine picked him up and threw him across the floor. Just then Nick swaggered out of the building, closely followed by Liam and a one-armed man, and said... Maggrad posted June 07,2002 3:49:27 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Enough!" Nicky wiggled his hips a little, and did the "3 snaps in a circle" motion. "Everyone has their limit, and you, Slim, have hit mine." Catherine/Slim looked at Nicky, the One Armed Man, and Liam, and then over at Grissom (who was still crying) and the twins. Then she looked back at Mr. Fluffy, who was pouting, rolling his eyes and smoking a cigarette out of sheer boredom. "Go home," he muttered, though no one heard him. No one ever listened to poor Mr. Fluffy. Then, she laughed. And laughed and laughed. At first it was a laugh of incredulity, but slowly it morphed into a Sideshow Bob level of maniacle, menacing cackling. "Do you think you can stop me? ME!? I am THE REAL SLIM SHADY, damnit. You and your smoking bug dog, one armed man and Manic Panic spokesmodel can't stop me! Who do you think you are?!" Nicky grinned smugly and said, "I am J. Lo." UnderTheWings posted June 07,2002 7:43:22 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, Mr. Fluffy felt something tremble inside of him. It was the sickening feeling that he always got when he knew the mother ship was near. His feet, of their own volition, began to move, and he danced la macarena towards the neon purple light growing on the horizon. Nicky, now too busy trying to kick the living excrement out of Slim Shady in the form of Catherine whilst still maintaining perfect hair, nails, complexion and attitude, failed to notice that Mr. Fluffy was wandering away. But Mulder, our Hero-of-the-Day! saw it, and was determined that Mr. Fluffy be brought down to the depths of the earth and interrogated by a team of top psychological analyizers. He leaped toward our neighbourhood friendly alien/bug/dog and wrestled him to the ground. Limbs flailed. Teeth flew. Someone poured a bottle of Tequila over the two of them and called it a rumble. And in the midst of all this ran Liam, The Ignoble-Nonviolent-Man/Boy, who tried to break it up. But when he jumped into the boiling fray, he was accidentally picked up, along with four others, into a time-space continuum and sent to... Jaden posted June 07,2002 8:24:44 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The inside of Warrick's brain. They saw and heard everything Warrick did. They witnessed him slowly turn and walk over to his car. He looked back and saw Nick salsa dancing around Catherine who was flipping everyone off. Warrick pulled out his wallet and flipped to the picture of Lydsey. He smiled as he looked at the little girl who had been like a daughter to him. "I know what I have to do." He said before getting into the car and speeding away. "This is like Being John Malkovitch!" Liam said excitedly. Meanwhile in the parking lot... Maggrad posted June 07,2002 10:04:15 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- {Oh my God. Mr. Fluffy on DVD. That's great. ;-) I tried to watch CSI last night, but I couldn't watch Nicky any more either. I kept waiting for him to raise his hand to ask a question.} quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile in the parking lot... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catherine/Slim was getting the upper hand over Nicky/J. Lo. Alex started to look worried, and began backing away from the fray. "Damn." he whispered. "Warrick is gone, and I don't know what happened to the kid, Mulder and the bug dog. And if J. Lo doesn't start kicking Slim's ass soon, I may have to channel Ja Rule." Suddenly, Brass walked into the parking lot, eating a peanut butter sandwich. "What the hell is going on here?" he asked. Catherine was momentarily distracted. "Hey! Is that peanut butter?" she yelled. The distraction was enough for J. Lo to land a solid kick to Catherine's jaw. She fell like a ton of bricks, and was out cold. Brass looked at the bizarre tableau, shrugged, and walked back inside, shaking his head. "I'm gonna switch to day shift," he muttered. "J. Lo! You did it!" Alex cried. J. Lo fixed his hair. "Well, of course. I'm one tough chick." Sara and Grissom stared at Nicky in confusion. "Now," continued J. Lo, "how do we get Slim out of her head?" Somewhere along the Strip, Warrick was developing a strange headache. Jaden posted June 08,2002 12:38:49 AM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Perhaps when this story concludes we can make one up where Nick stars as the brilliant scientist we all know, love, and respect. Warrick can be there too... Our applogies to the ultra-talented George Eads. We just had to pick on somebody. You are loved. Really! Warrick pulled up in front of Eddies' house and ran up the steps to his door. "What the hell are you doing here?" Eddie asked through a chain locked door. "I'm here to pick up Lydsey for Catherine." He lied. "It's not her night, and why wouldn't she come herself?" "Listen, buddy," he began "I need to bring Lyndsey to Catherine. She needs to...see her. It's important." Eddie unchained the door and stepped outside. "If you don't get out of here, I'm gonna..." "Daddy. Why are you mad? Warrick!" She said and ran out to recieve a hug. "Mommy needs you right now. Go get in the car huh?" "Okay! Bye daddy!" "Lynd..." A fist came up sending Eddie back against the brick wall. He slowly slid down it into a crumpled mass. "This Warrick guy act out his agression in the form of violence often?" Mulder questioned Liam. He turned to find the boy missing. Suddenly he was pulled through a vortex. Back at the parking lot... Nick strutted over to Catherine who was lying face down on the concrete. "That's the last time I fight in heels!" Nick complained. "We need to tie her up and get her to an OR before Slim wakes up again." Out of nowhere the entire cast of ER arrives. Sara and Lily stared at a woman who looked exactly like them. "Wrong show guys." Grissom informed them. "This is CSI." "CSI?!" Scully looked confused. "I thought this was the X-files." While the members of all three casts argued, a giant hole opened above them. Mulder, Liam, Mr. Fluffy, and the unidentified forth member of the group dropped from the sky and landed directly on top of Nicky/J. Lo knocking them all unconcious. Slim/Cat, not yet tied up, began to stir... thejedikiller posted June 09,2002 1:23:43 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cat/Slim Shady began to rise from the pavement, only to find Sara standing over her. "And where do you think you're going?" demanded Sara. "To hell with you," replied Cat/Slim Shady. "Hmm. Clever." Without even blinking, Sara flung herself on top of Cat/Slim Shady and wrestled her to the ground. "But you forget I'm in love with Grissom. My life is already hell." From behind them, Grissom listened quietly with a hurt puppy look on his face that could certainly win him an Emmy, but that's not why he did it. As Sara began pulling Cat/Slim Shady's hair, he turned around and walked slowly to the Tahoe. He passed the unconcious pile of people on top of Nicky/J. Lo and did not blink; he passed Mr. Fluffy being kidnapped by the one-armed Alex fellow without a second thought. He got into the Tahoe, started the engine and began to drive away. A dramatic tear rolled down his cheek. QueegQueg posted June 09,2002 5:17:37 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fourty-something blond surfer dude was already in the Tahoe. "That was definetely an Emmy winning moment, Mr. Grissom." "Who are you?" asked Grissom. "Only you can see me... and Mr. Grissom, I can't let you win an Emmy." "Why not? That is the only way I can unite with my transcendentally non-platonic girlfriend. Besides, I am losing my hearing." "My show just went out the air this May, and it is such a cultural icon that your show is heavily influenced my mine. My actors deserve Emmies." "Your Show?" Grissom said politely. "The show with many alien conspiracies and a guy who thought my bug is an alien? The surfer dude nodded. "No. No way." Grissom said. "Your show is too nighty-ish." "Or I can take up a position in your show," said the surfer dude. "You know I am unemployeed now. A geeky guy who did vampires took over my time-slot." sorcha mise posted June 09,2002 6:46:03 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm sorry, but around here, we like to give the audience endings that make sense instead of dragging things out incomprehensibly for years. Also, we don't think Burt Reynolds is God. And anyway, where would either of us be without 'Miami Vice'?" The surfer dude looked at Grissom as if the sound of simple logic was unable to penetrate his drug-addled brain. sheepclone posted June 09,2002 8:44:45 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "So... only I can see you?" Surfer Dude sighed. "Yeah, even though I'm real. Flesh n' Blood. Just, invisible. Pretty cool, eh?" "Really......" Grissom narrowed his eyes, his mind churning. "Are you wearing your seat belt?" Surfer dude chortled. "Seal belt?? Why would I need that? I have mytharchy, and I'm bringing it to CSI." Suddenly Grissom slammed on the brakes, sending Surfer Dude crashing through the windshield of the Tahoe. "My haaaiiirrrr!" Dude cried as he flew through the air, before landing with a satisfying THUMP on the pavement. Grissom smiled. "That's for the last four years, hippie! Mytharchy, my ass." Jaden posted June 09,2002 9:54:29 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grissom raised his head his attention caught by a strange sound. Could it be...clapping? Yes! It started as only scattered bits of sound but it accumlated into a thunderous applause. "I can hear! I can hear!" He turned the car around and burned rubber back to CSI. Catherine elbowed Sara in the eye knocking her off. "Muhahahahahahaha!" Everyone turned. Lily, Jack Black, Mulder, Scully, Liam, Nicky, Alex, Spiderman all! They looked on in horror as Catherine rose from the ground wrapped in a cyclone of electricity. "I will destroy the world! Too many white rappers have tried to emulate me and it is time they meet their doom!" Catherine's eyes turned to fire as she raised her hands blue flickers of lightning sparking from her fingertips. "Wait!" Silence decended as Warrick stepped forward. "You!!!" She spat in loathing. "You are the father of my immaculately concieved baby and you shall suffer worst of all" Just as she was about to anialate Warrick a small voice broke in. "Mommy...?" Lyndsey's eyes misted over in tears. "Fight the demon mommy. Fight him for me." Catherine looked at the child a moment and said... Mush posted June 09,2002 11:15:11 PM EST -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Whoooooooooo are you? Who-who-who-who? Whooooooooo are you? Who-who-who-who?" Lindsey looked at her mother, confused. She had an idea. She began singing. "I love you. You love me. We're a happy family!..." "Noooooooooooo!!!!!" Catherine Shady screamed, covering her ears. Everyone around looked sheepishly at the scene before them. Seeing its success, they joined in enthusiastically. "...With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you!..." Catherine fell to the ground, passed out. "...Won't you say you love me, too?" Warrick ran to Catherine's side, Lindsey on his heels. He cradled her head in his hands. "Catherine," he said. "Are you okay?" Catherine woke up and shook her head, confused. "Warrick? Lindsey? What happened here?" "You were taken over by the spirit of Eminem, Cat," Warrick told her. "And Lindsey saved your life." Catherine and Lindsey hugged each other. Mulder turned to Scully with a proud smile. "See, I told you Barney held supernatural powers!" Scully punched him in the arm and whispered in his ear, "The baby will NOT be getting any videos about purple dinosaurs." "That's okay. He can borrow mine," Mulder said with a grin. Scully rolled her eyes. Sara, who had been watching, looked around to find Grissom. Where was he? The Tahoe suddenly showed up, a large bloody hole in the windshield. A weary Grissom stepped out and walked toward the scene in front of him. "Grissom!" Sara said with a grin. She ran toward him. He walked past her. "Grissom? What's wrong?" "Sorry, Sara. I'd kiss you, but I don't wish hell on you...or my non-bug-miracle baby," Grissom said bitterly. Oh crap, Sara thought. He had heard. "Grissom! That was just to beat Eminem out of Catherine! I didn't mean it!" Grissom ignored her. There was only one thing left to do. "Never knew I could feel like this! Like I've never seen the sky before! Want to vanish inside your kiss. Every day I'm loving you more and more. Listen to my heart can you hear it sing? Come back to me and forgiiiiiiiiiiiiiive everythiiiiiiiiiiing! Seasons may change winter to spring. I love you til the end of time." Everyone turned at this sound. Sara was singing. To Grissom. They couldn't move from shock. Grissom didn't move. Then his voice rang out through the night. "Come what may! Cooome what may! Coooooooooooome what may! Cooooooooooooooooooome what maaaaaaaaay!" He turned to face Sara, his transcendentally non-platonic Geek true love and the mother of his non-bug-miracle baby. He couldn't resist the symmetrical magnetism. "I will love you," Sara joined in. "Until my dyyyyying day!" Grissom continued as he moved toward Sara. Finally, they were together again. He took her hands and engaged in a Symmetrical Geek Love Mating Dance as their voices sang out together. "Come what maaaaaaaaay! Come what maaaaaaaaaaaay! I will love you until my dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying day!" The lights from the parking lot cast a magical glow. Fireflies put on a light display all around our team. Mr. Fluffy, happy to be reunited with Nick, waved his hands in dance. Nick continued to dance Salsa. They'd have to exorcise J. Lo later. Mulder kissed Scully. Jack kissed Lily. Warrick kissed Catherine. Lindsey kissed Greg on the cheek. Everyone except Grissom and Sara joined in a chorus of "Who Are You," dancing in perfect choreography. Bells rang out in the background. Over "Who Are You," Grissom and Sara sang their own song. "Coooooooome what maaaaaaaay! I will love you! Until my dyyyyyyyyyyyying..." Just then, the blond surfer dude, bloody from the accident came running at them with a pistol. Brass stepped in front of Grissom and punched him. The pistol went flying and hit the Eiffel Tower at the Paris hotel. Bells rang out. Lights flashed. Even Vegas seemed a little brighter. "....daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Grissom and Sara kissed, smiling amongst the fireflies dancing in the night sky. And thus the curtain closed on One Sentence Story Episode One. Cue credits with NSync's "Music of My Heart...." Will Grissom and Sara's non-bug-miracle-baby be a boy or a girl? Will Mulder and Scully have an alien? Will Lily kill Jack? Will Mr. Fluffy survive nanny training? You, too, can find out and decide in the blockbuster sequel One Sentence Story Episode Two, coming soon to a thread near you... Not too long ago, in a galaxy not too far away... This message has been edited by Mush on June 09,2002 at 11:17:34 PM EST ~~ FIN ~~~